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  • Easter Easter

    It would take a lot more than 30 pieces of silver for me to betray you to murderous authorities unless we were in a major recession.

    It would take a lot more than 30 pieces of silver for me to betray you to murderous authorities unless we were in a major recession.

  • Apology Apology

    Sorry I failed to acknowledge whatever major crisis you've imagined is ruining your life today.

    Sorry I failed to acknowledge whatever major crisis you've imagined is ruining your life today.

  • Confession Confession

    The new iPhone makes wish there was a major worldwide announcement every time I got a centimeter thinner.

    The new iPhone makes wish there was a major worldwide announcement every time I got a centimeter thinner.

  • Sports Sports

    Let's congratulate one of today's least effective major league hitters on his 3000th hit.

    Let's congratulate one of today's least effective major league hitters on his 3000th hit.

  • TV TV

    Weeds has shown me that major drug deals don't have to be such an unpleasant experience.

    Weeds has shown me that major drug deals don't have to be such an unpleasant experience.

  • Sports Sports

    I hope you enjoy the one day your team doesn't have a losing record.

    I hope you enjoy the one day your team doesn't have a losing record.

  • Weekend Weekend

    People have major expectations for your party.

    People have major expectations for your party.

  • Thanks Thanks

    Thanks for always waiting at least a few hours after a major international tragedy to make jokes about it.

    Thanks for always waiting at least a few hours after a major international tragedy to make jokes about it.

  • Thinking Of You Thinking Of You

    I wish we kept in touch as regularly as A-Rod and his steroids dealer.

    I wish we kept in touch as regularly as A-Rod and his steroids dealer.

  • Friendship Friendship

    People have major expectations for your party.

    People have major expectations for your party.

  • St. Patrick's.. St. Patrick's..

    I'm excited for the one day of the year when green's meaning shifts from saving the environment to polluting our major organs.

    I'm excited for the one day of the year when green's meaning shifts from saving the environment to polluting our major organs.

  • College College

    Good luck on final exams to someone whose major is as real as Santa Claus.

    Good luck on final exams to someone whose major is as real as Santa Claus.

  • College College

    I promise not to laugh anymore at your ridiculous major.

    I promise not to laugh anymore at your ridiculous major.

  • Sports Sports

    Sorry the best thing that's happened to your baseball team this year is a rainout.

    Sorry the best thing that's happened to your baseball team this year is a rainout.

  • Cry For Help Cry For Help

    Life has become a major distraction from my cell phone.

    Life has become a major distraction from my cell phone.

  • Sports Sports

    Opening day of baseball means only 120 more games until we need to start caring about baseball.

    Opening day of baseball means only 120 more games until we need to start caring about baseball.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Congratulations to Courtney Love on being about as accurate about Malaysia flight 370 as major news outlets have been.

    Congratulations to Courtney Love on being about as accurate about Malaysia flight 370 as major news outlets have been.

  • Apology Apology

    Sorry for judging you, your friends, your family, and all your major life decisions.

    Sorry for judging you, your friends, your family, and all your major life decisions.

  • Sports Sports

    I'm looking forward to slightly alleviating the boredom of my life with the boredom of watching baseball.

    I'm looking forward to slightly alleviating the boredom of my life with the boredom of watching baseball.

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