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  • Flirting Flirting

    I'd date you so hard, then marry the shit out of you.

    I'd date you so hard, then marry the shit out of you.

  • Anniversary Anniversary

    If I had to do it all again I'd still marry you because you were pregnant.

    If I had to do it all again I'd still marry you because you were pregnant.

  • Wedding Wedding

    I'm resolving my daddy complex by marrying my father.

    I'm resolving my daddy complex by marrying my father.

  • Wedding Wedding

    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty.

    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty.

  • Wedding Wedding

    I want to marry someone Jewish for reasons I can no longer recall.

    I want to marry someone Jewish for reasons I can no longer recall.

  • Teacher Week Teacher Week

    Thanks for not being one of those weird teachers who marries a former student.

    Thanks for not being one of those weird teachers who marries a former student.

  • Movies Movies

    I hope Brad Pitt playing a Nazi-killer convinces my parents it's okay to marry him even though he's not Jewish.

    I hope Brad Pitt playing a Nazi-killer convinces my parents it's okay to marry him even though he's not Jewish.

  • LGBT LGBT

    If I was gay, you're the first person I'd gay marry if I wasn't afraid of commitment.

    If I was gay, you're the first person I'd gay marry if I wasn't afraid of commitment.

  • Wedding Wedding

    I can barely remember the last time I saw a Jew marry a Jew.

    I can barely remember the last time I saw a Jew marry a Jew.

  • LGBT LGBT

    Please feel no obligation to invite me to your gay bachelor party.

    Please feel no obligation to invite me to your gay bachelor party.

  • GCB GCB

    I want to marry your cleavage.

    I want to marry your cleavage.

  • Wedding Wedding

    Just a reminder that our wedding's coming up and you may be too fat for your suit or tux pants.

    Just a reminder that our wedding's coming up and you may be too fat for your suit or tux pants.

  • LGBT LGBT

    Sorry your alarmingly reckless celebration of gay marriage legalization has made no one want to marry you.

    Sorry your alarmingly reckless celebration of gay marriage legalization has made no one want to marry you.

  • Confession Confession

    I want to marry someone Jewish for reasons I can no longer recall.

    I want to marry someone Jewish for reasons I can no longer recall.

  • Apology Apology

    Sorry your breast implants still haven't made your personality tolerable enough for anyone to want to marry you.

    Sorry your breast implants still haven't made your personality tolerable enough for anyone to want to marry you.

  • Reminders Reminders

    The only idea worse than marrying Jesse James is getting a tattoo to express your everlasting love for Jesse James.

    The only idea worse than marrying Jesse James is getting a tattoo to express your everlasting love for Jesse James.

  • Wedding Wedding

    I want to marry you for all the wrong reasons.

    I want to marry you for all the wrong reasons.

  • Tax Day Tax Day

    I and the IRS think it's not the right time for me to marry you.

    I and the IRS think it's not the right time for me to marry you.

  • LGBT LGBT

    We've set the date for our same-sex wedding and homophobic relatives' mass stroke.

    We've set the date for our same-sex wedding and homophobic relatives' mass stroke.

  • Mother's Day Mother's Day

    Happy Mother's Day to someone who doesn't care if I marry a man or a woman as long as I give you grandkids before you're dead.

    Happy Mother's Day to someone who doesn't care if I marry a man or a woman as long as I give you grandkids before you're dead.

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