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  • Passover Passover

    Please help me understand how boils and locusts are plagues but bread that tastes like cardboard isn't.

    Please help me understand how boils and locusts are plagues but bread that tastes like cardboard isn't.

  • Passover Passover

    Please stop asking me whether an extra large thin-crust pizza counts as unleavened bread.

    Please stop asking me whether an extra large thin-crust pizza counts as unleavened bread.

  • Passover Passover

    Have a good whatever Jewish holiday it is.

    Have a good whatever Jewish holiday it is.

  • Passover Passover

    Thanks for your Seder invitation but I don't even observe my own religion's rituals.

    Thanks for your Seder invitation but I don't even observe my own religion's rituals.

  • Passover Passover

    Passover is just like Easter but without the bunny, bonnets, colored eggs or New Testament.

    Passover is just like Easter but without the bunny, bonnets, colored eggs or New Testament.

  • Passover Passover

    As a half-Jewish Type A personality, I prefer searching for the afikomen and Easter eggs at the same time.

    As a half-Jewish Type A personality, I prefer searching for the afikomen and Easter eggs at the same time.

  • Passover Passover

    I'd rather be enslaved to a sadistic Egyptian Pharaoh than temporarily give up anything leavened.

    I'd rather be enslaved to a sadistic Egyptian Pharaoh than temporarily give up anything leavened.

  • Passover Passover

    Let's commemorate our people's freedom from 210 years of slavery by rushing through a 30-minute Seder.

    Let's commemorate our people's freedom from 210 years of slavery by rushing through a 30-minute Seder.

  • Passover Passover

    Sorry your side of the family won't merit my attendance at the first-night Seder.

    Sorry your side of the family won't merit my attendance at the first-night Seder.

  • Passover Passover

    Let's freak out gentiles with our incredibly weird and ominous Passover customs.

    Let's freak out gentiles with our incredibly weird and ominous Passover customs.

  • Passover Passover

    Giving up bread for Passover is almost as awful as talking to people on gluten-free diets.

    Giving up bread for Passover is almost as awful as talking to people on gluten-free diets.

  • Passover Passover

    Apparently it's okay to massacre all firstborn children as long as it doesn't include ours.

    Apparently it's okay to massacre all firstborn children as long as it doesn't include ours.

  • Passover Passover

    This night is different from all other nights because we actually acknowledge we're Jewish.

    This night is different from all other nights because we actually acknowledge we're Jewish.

  • Passover Passover

    I think you may be confusing Passover with the South Beach Diet.

    I think you may be confusing Passover with the South Beach Diet.

  • Passover Passover

    This is the day of Passover where I'd pretty much stab someone for a real sandwich.

    This is the day of Passover where I'd pretty much stab someone for a real sandwich.

  • Passover Passover

    Your advancing senility is sure to add an exciting new dimension to the afikomen search.

    Your advancing senility is sure to add an exciting new dimension to the afikomen search.

  • Passover Passover

    If bread had a cell phone during Passover, I'd sext it.

    If bread had a cell phone during Passover, I'd sext it.

  • Passover Passover

    I'd be more into Passover if we didn't have to eat Passover food.

    I'd be more into Passover if we didn't have to eat Passover food.

  • Passover Passover

    I don't even think Instagram can make Passover food look appetizing.

    I don't even think Instagram can make Passover food look appetizing.

  • Passover Passover

    Celebrating 4/20 has taught me that not even pot can make matzoh taste good.

    Celebrating 4/20 has taught me that not even pot can make matzoh taste good.

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