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  • Memorial Day Memorial Day

    I'd be more excited about getting away for Memorial Day if I wasn't going with the people I need to get away from.

    I'd be more excited about getting away for Memorial Day if I wasn't going with the people I need to get away from.

  • Farewell Farewell

    Let's visit every hot vacation spot we can get to on a half-tank of gas.

    Let's visit every hot vacation spot we can get to on a half-tank of gas.

  • Workplace Workplace

    This Summer Friday, let's drink our way through the guilt of actually taking a Summer Friday.

    This Summer Friday, let's drink our way through the guilt of actually taking a Summer Friday.

  • Memorial Day Memorial Day

    This Memorial Day, let's try not to open fire on hostile drivers.

    This Memorial Day, let's try not to open fire on hostile drivers.

  • Seasonal Seasonal

    It's that time of year when we thank god all the hot, toned guys don't like girls.

    It's that time of year when we thank god all the hot, toned guys don't like girls.

  • Memorial Day Memorial Day

    Happy Memorial Day to a veteran of reckless beach drinking.

    Happy Memorial Day to a veteran of reckless beach drinking.

  • Memorial Day Memorial Day

    I'm concerned that chilly Memorial Day conditions may impede you from wearing a bikini.

    I'm concerned that chilly Memorial Day conditions may impede you from wearing a bikini.

  • Weekend Weekend

    I can't wait to get away from the city this weekend to the same place as everyone else from the city.

    I can't wait to get away from the city this weekend to the same place as everyone else from the city.

  • Weekend Weekend

    Thanks for complimenting the tan I achieved by passing out hungover on a towel.

    Thanks for complimenting the tan I achieved by passing out hungover on a towel.

  • Seasonal Seasonal

    Let's get a four-hour head start on rush hour traffic that begins four hours early.

    Let's get a four-hour head start on rush hour traffic that begins four hours early.

  • Seasonal Seasonal

    Your quiet, secluded summer house sounds like the perfect place for me to work non-stop.

    Your quiet, secluded summer house sounds like the perfect place for me to work non-stop.

  • Seasonal Seasonal

    I hope my unforgettably deranged behavior last summer won't hinder my access to this year's share house.

    I hope my unforgettably deranged behavior last summer won't hinder my access to this year's share house.

  • Memorial Day Memorial Day

    A great way to avoid Memorial Day weekend traffic is to avoid leaving the house on Memorial Day weekend.

    A great way to avoid Memorial Day weekend traffic is to avoid leaving the house on Memorial Day weekend.

  • Smooth Moves Smooth Moves

    I'd like to introduce you to my luxurious summer retreat and the 12 to 14 acquaintances with whom I share it.

    I'd like to introduce you to my luxurious summer retreat and the 12 to 14 acquaintances with whom I share it.

  • Memorial Day Memorial Day

    I will be solemnly honoring our military this weekend because no one invited me anywhere fun.

    I will be solemnly honoring our military this weekend because no one invited me anywhere fun.

  • Seasonal Seasonal

    I don't use sunscreen because my lifestyle makes it far more likely my liver, lungs, or heart will deteriorate before my skin.

    I don't use sunscreen because my lifestyle makes it far more likely my liver, lungs, or heart will deteriorate before my skin.

  • Memorial Day Memorial Day

    The biggest honor I can bestow upon America this Memorial Day is not taking my shirt off.

    The biggest honor I can bestow upon America this Memorial Day is not taking my shirt off.

  • Movies Movies

    Let's smugly take in a summer blockbuster and accidentally love it.

    Let's smugly take in a summer blockbuster and accidentally love it.

  • Memorial Day Memorial Day

    This Memorial Day weekend, it is important to remember those who lost their battle to be swimsuit-ready by summer.

    This Memorial Day weekend, it is important to remember those who lost their battle to be swimsuit-ready by summer.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I hope I don't get kicked out of our summer share before your birthday.

    I hope I don't get kicked out of our summer share before your birthday.

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