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  • Birthday Birthday

    Sorry the calendar played a cruel joke on you this year by making your birthday fall on a Monday.

    Sorry the calendar played a cruel joke on you this year by making your birthday fall on a Monday.

  • Workplace Workplace

    It takes twice as long for me to not get anything done on Monday as it does the rest of the week.

    It takes twice as long for me to not get anything done on Monday as it does the rest of the week.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I can phone it in on Monday at a Friday level.

    I can phone it in on Monday at a Friday level.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Monday is like a gift from someone who knows nothing about you and doesn't bother to include the receipt.

    Monday is like a gift from someone who knows nothing about you and doesn't bother to include the receipt.

  • Thinking Of You Thinking Of You

    You're one of the few people I don't mind very briefly communicating with on a Monday.

    You're one of the few people I don't mind very briefly communicating with on a Monday.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Sorry that the worst day of the rest of your life is every Monday.

    Sorry that the worst day of the rest of your life is every Monday.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Monday mornings would be better if they were a part of my weekend-long blackouts.

    Monday mornings would be better if they were a part of my weekend-long blackouts.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Let's joke about how depressing Monday is to distract us from how depressing every day is.

    Let's joke about how depressing Monday is to distract us from how depressing every day is.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I hope your Monday isn't as depressing as the future of Snooki's baby.

    I hope your Monday isn't as depressing as the future of Snooki's baby.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Monday is doing overtime this week.

    Monday is doing overtime this week.

  • Cry For Help Cry For Help

    Having Monday off is a great opportunity to hate Tuesday.

    Having Monday off is a great opportunity to hate Tuesday.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I hope shopping on Cyber Monday doesn't take too much time away from your regular schedule of wasting the day on the Internet.

    I hope shopping on Cyber Monday doesn't take too much time away from your regular schedule of wasting the day on the Internet.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I'd be more excited about your Cyber Monday gift for me if I wasn't so sure you bought it immediately after watching porn.

    I'd be more excited about your Cyber Monday gift for me if I wasn't so sure you bought it immediately after watching porn.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    Buying me a Christmas gift on Cyber Monday is a great way to ensure I'll have sex with you until Christmas.

    Buying me a Christmas gift on Cyber Monday is a great way to ensure I'll have sex with you until Christmas.

  • Memorial Day Memorial Day

    At least being in a car in standstill traffic on Memorial Day meant you didn't get sunburned on the nicest day of the weekend.

    At least being in a car in standstill traffic on Memorial Day meant you didn't get sunburned on the nicest day of the weekend.

  • Workplace Workplace

    There should be a holiday dedicated to all the brave people who show up to work on Mondays.

    There should be a holiday dedicated to all the brave people who show up to work on Mondays.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I'd like to thank my antidepressants for working overtime every Monday.

    I'd like to thank my antidepressants for working overtime every Monday.

  • Workplace Workplace

    May your Monday be as swift and merciful as an execution.

    May your Monday be as swift and merciful as an execution.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    There's no limit to the amount of company time I'd waste shopping for your holiday gift.

    There's no limit to the amount of company time I'd waste shopping for your holiday gift.

  • St. Patrick's.. St. Patrick's..

    Happy St. Patrick's Day to someone who finally has a reasonable explanation for being drunk at work on a Monday.

    Happy St. Patrick's Day to someone who finally has a reasonable explanation for being drunk at work on a Monday.

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