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  • Confession Confession

    I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.

    I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.

  • Tax Day Tax Day

    Let's celebrate there being no deadline for complaining about taxes.

    Let's celebrate there being no deadline for complaining about taxes.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Money doesn't solve problems, but it could solve my money problem.

    Money doesn't solve problems, but it could solve my money problem.

  • Flirting Flirting

    I want to spend the rest of your money with you.

    I want to spend the rest of your money with you.

  • Missing You Missing You

    I miss you paying for stuff for me.

    I miss you paying for stuff for me.

  • Seasonal Seasonal

    I would just like to point out the irony of the Jewish people getting a bad rap about money when its the birthday of your Lord that drives the nation's economy.

    I would just like to point out the irony of the Jewish people getting a bad rap about money when its the birthday of your Lord that drives the nation's economy.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I don't make enough money to go on vacation so I'm just going to get drunk this weekend until I don't know where I am.

    I don't make enough money to go on vacation so I'm just going to get drunk this weekend until I don't know where I am.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I'm only unemployed so I can be sure you don't love me for my money.

    I'm only unemployed so I can be sure you don't love me for my money.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I'll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working.

    I'll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    With the pollen count this high drug dealers could make more money converting meth back into Sudafed.

    With the pollen count this high drug dealers could make more money converting meth back into Sudafed.

  • Sports Sports

    Sorry you lost money betting against the worst playoff team in football history.

    Sorry you lost money betting against the worst playoff team in football history.

  • Family Family

    I need your money for doing deplorable things with my shady friends.

    I need your money for doing deplorable things with my shady friends.

  • Boss's Day Boss's Day

    I'd have gotten you a better Boss's Day gift if you'd gotten me a better raise.

    I'd have gotten you a better Boss's Day gift if you'd gotten me a better raise.

  • Confession Confession

    I'd donate to a Kickstarter dedicated to stopping people from asking me to donate to their Kickstarter.

    I'd donate to a Kickstarter dedicated to stopping people from asking me to donate to their Kickstarter.

  • Columbus Day Columbus Day

    This Columbus Day, let's apologize for our historical mistreatment of American Indians by losing money at a tribal casino.

    This Columbus Day, let's apologize for our historical mistreatment of American Indians by losing money at a tribal casino.

  • Divorce Divorce

    At least the divorce is less expensive than the wedding.

    At least the divorce is less expensive than the wedding.

  • Seasonal Seasonal

    The end of summer is much less depressing when you never had money to enjoy summer.

    The end of summer is much less depressing when you never had money to enjoy summer.

  • Super Bowl.. Super Bowl..

    Maybe you'll feel better knowing I won money on your team's loss.

    Maybe you'll feel better knowing I won money on your team's loss.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I saved a lot of money on Christmas presents this year by not spending any money on Christmas presents.

    I saved a lot of money on Christmas presents this year by not spending any money on Christmas presents.

  • Encouragement Encouragement

    Someday I hope to make enough money for Mitt Romney to think I'm impoverished.

    Someday I hope to make enough money for Mitt Romney to think I'm impoverished.

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