• refine by:
sort-by: Most Popular | Newest
  • Ransom Cards Ransom Cards

    Keep ignoring my texts and I swear to god I will leave a voicemail.

    Keep ignoring my texts and I swear to god I will leave a voicemail.

  • Ransom Cards Ransom Cards

    You're buying drinks tonight or else I'm telling everyone what you don't remember doing last night.

    You're buying drinks tonight or else I'm telling everyone what you don't remember doing last night.

  • Ransom Cards Ransom Cards

    If you ever want to see me alive again reply to my emails in a timely fashion.

    If you ever want to see me alive again reply to my emails in a timely fashion.

  • Ransom Cards Ransom Cards

    Follow me back or I'l never favorite one of your tweets again.

    Follow me back or I'l never favorite one of your tweets again.

  • Wedding Wedding

    Here's hoping the wedding gifts you receive are even remotely worth the agonizing process of writing thank you notes for all of them.

    Here's hoping the wedding gifts you receive are even remotely worth the agonizing process of writing thank you notes for all of them.

  • Ransom Cards Ransom Cards

    Put away your phone and nobody gets hurt.

    Put away your phone and nobody gets hurt.

  • Ransom Cards Ransom Cards

    Update your relationship status on Facebook or this relationship really will get complicated.

    Update your relationship status on Facebook or this relationship really will get complicated.

  • Ransom Cards Ransom Cards

    Post one more thing about your workout regimen and I'll start posting pictures of when you were fat.

    Post one more thing about your workout regimen and I'll start posting pictures of when you were fat.

  • Ransom Cards Ransom Cards

    Take me to see Hunger Games or I'll never go down on you again.

    Take me to see Hunger Games or I'll never go down on you again.

  • Ransom Cards Ransom Cards

    Bring a dish this Thanksgiving or you will be seated at the kids' table.

    Bring a dish this Thanksgiving or you will be seated at the kids' table.

  • Thanks Thanks

    Please accept this heartfelt non-handwritten note of thanks for your support in my time of need.

    Please accept this heartfelt non-handwritten note of thanks for your support in my time of need.

  • Farewell Farewell

    I could use a change of scenery to complain about.

    I could use a change of scenery to complain about.

  • Thanks Thanks

    Thank you for your thank you note.

    Thank you for your thank you note.

  • Friendship Friendship

    You'd merit very kind words in my suicide note.

    You'd merit very kind words in my suicide note.

  • GCB GCB

    Just a friendly note to say that I, and everyone else at work, can see your thong.

    Just a friendly note to say that I, and everyone else at work, can see your thong.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I'm not getting you a holiday present because I know you don't like writing thank-you notes.

    I'm not getting you a holiday present because I know you don't like writing thank-you notes.

  • Workplace Workplace

    A note from your boss (Eugene Mirman).

    A note from your boss (Eugene Mirman).

  • Friendship Friendship

    Just a quick note to say hi and exert the minimum effort required to maintain our friendship.

    Just a quick note to say hi and exert the minimum effort required to maintain our friendship.

DON'T MISS THIS