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  • Seasonal Seasonal

    I hope your summer rental turns out better than Bin Laden's.

    I hope your summer rental turns out better than Bin Laden's.

  • Cry For Help Cry For Help

    I just hope I'm shot in the head before the world discovers my extensive porn collection.

    I just hope I'm shot in the head before the world discovers my extensive porn collection.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Let's celebrate the anniversary of Bin Laden's death until we look worse than Bin Laden does right now.

    Let's celebrate the anniversary of Bin Laden's death until we look worse than Bin Laden does right now.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I can't believe it's been a year since a shark probably ate Osama Bin Laden's dick.

    I can't believe it's been a year since a shark probably ate Osama Bin Laden's dick.

  • TV TV

    Happy Shark Week to Osama bin Laden.

    Happy Shark Week to Osama bin Laden.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    With Osama Bin Laden dead, maybe we can finally go through an airport without being treated like we're Osama Bin Laden.

    With Osama Bin Laden dead, maybe we can finally go through an airport without being treated like we're Osama Bin Laden.

  • Sympathy Sympathy

    Sorry Bin Laden died in a mansion and you still have roommates.

    Sorry Bin Laden died in a mansion and you still have roommates.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I hope other terrorists get the message that they can't hide for more than 9 years, 7 months, and 21 days.

    I hope other terrorists get the message that they can't hide for more than 9 years, 7 months, and 21 days.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    The death of the world's most notorious mass murderer almost made my Monday bearable.

    The death of the world's most notorious mass murderer almost made my Monday bearable.

  • Thinking Of You Thinking Of You

    I love you so much that there's almost no chance I'd use you as a human shield against a Navy SEALs attack.

    I love you so much that there's almost no chance I'd use you as a human shield against a Navy SEALs attack.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I wish I could vote for Obama before I become disappointed in him again next week.

    I wish I could vote for Obama before I become disappointed in him again next week.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    Let's interrupt a week of unbridled American patriotism for a half-assed celebration of Mexico.

    Let's interrupt a week of unbridled American patriotism for a half-assed celebration of Mexico.

  • Confession Confession

    There's no way I could be a Navy SEAL because I wouldn't be able to tell girls I'm a Navy SEAL.

    There's no way I could be a Navy SEAL because I wouldn't be able to tell girls I'm a Navy SEAL.

  • Workplace Workplace

    All I want is a job where my existence is as politely ignored as Bin Laden's was in Pakistan.

    All I want is a job where my existence is as politely ignored as Bin Laden's was in Pakistan.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    The only thing I'd rather watch less than a video of Osama bin Laden is a video of Osama bin Laden watching a video of Osama bin Laden.

    The only thing I'd rather watch less than a video of Osama bin Laden is a video of Osama bin Laden watching a video of Osama bin Laden.

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