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  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I can't wait until we lose power from this storm so I can finally start eating my emergency junk food.

    I can't wait until we lose power from this storm so I can finally start eating my emergency junk food.

  • Apology Apology

    I thought about what I did and realized whatever it is you need me to realize in order to justify your power trip.

    I thought about what I did and realized whatever it is you need me to realize in order to justify your power trip.

  • Wedding Wedding

    I'm going to do everything in my power to make your bachelorette party all about me.

    I'm going to do everything in my power to make your bachelorette party all about me.

  • Reminders Reminders

    Just a reminder to print out as much pornography as possible in case your power goes out.

    Just a reminder to print out as much pornography as possible in case your power goes out.

  • Sympathy Sympathy

    Sorry it took 34 extra minutes to watch your team lose the Super Bowl.

    Sorry it took 34 extra minutes to watch your team lose the Super Bowl.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I've realized whatever it is you need me to realize in order to justify your power trip.

    I've realized whatever it is you need me to realize in order to justify your power trip.

  • Sympathy Sympathy

    Sorry the freakish weather knocked out the power needed to run your blog about climate change being a myth.

    Sorry the freakish weather knocked out the power needed to run your blog about climate change being a myth.

  • Seasonal Seasonal

    The immense, awe-inspiring power of the sun will once again be no match for my summer depression.

    The immense, awe-inspiring power of the sun will once again be no match for my summer depression.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I hope you didn't have to use your birthday candles as the primary source of light in your home.

    I hope you didn't have to use your birthday candles as the primary source of light in your home.

  • Confession Confession

    Not having electricity is almost as bad as having to host people who don't have electricity.

    Not having electricity is almost as bad as having to host people who don't have electricity.

  • Sports Sports

    The half-hour with no action during the Super Bowl got me excited for baseball season.

    The half-hour with no action during the Super Bowl got me excited for baseball season.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I wish the hurricane had knocked my power out during the Video Music Awards.

    I wish the hurricane had knocked my power out during the Video Music Awards.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I could see you playing in the Super Bowl if the entire game was mulling around trying to look busy during a power outage.

    I could see you playing in the Super Bowl if the entire game was mulling around trying to look busy during a power outage.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I hope your birthday falling on Mother's Day doesn't inflame an unresolved parent-child power struggle.

    I hope your birthday falling on Mother's Day doesn't inflame an unresolved parent-child power struggle.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I hope you're enjoying the brief period when your city seems preferable to New York.

    I hope you're enjoying the brief period when your city seems preferable to New York.

  • Earth Day Earth Day

    I conserve electricity by having my power forcefully shut off.

    I conserve electricity by having my power forcefully shut off.

  • Apology Apology

    Sorry you thought my request to come over and recharge my electronic devices was a booty call.

    Sorry you thought my request to come over and recharge my electronic devices was a booty call.

  • Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

    May your Valentine's Day dinner have the romantic lighting of a stadium blackout.

    May your Valentine's Day dinner have the romantic lighting of a stadium blackout.

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