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  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    I couldn't think of any clever pranks this year, so I sent your whole family a tasteful photo of my balls.

    I couldn't think of any clever pranks this year, so I sent your whole family a tasteful photo of my balls.

  • Halloween Halloween

    May a flaming bag of feces not appear in your doorway this Mischief Night.

    May a flaming bag of feces not appear in your doorway this Mischief Night.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    This is the one day of the year I wish I was on jury duty.

    This is the one day of the year I wish I was on jury duty.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    I trust you not to pull any April Fool's Day pranks because I trust you'll still think it's March.

    I trust you not to pull any April Fool's Day pranks because I trust you'll still think it's March.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    Let's use April Fool's as a cover for numerous sexual harassment violations.

    Let's use April Fool's as a cover for numerous sexual harassment violations.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    Nothing you pull on me this April Fool's Day could be worse than anything that's already happened to me this year.

    Nothing you pull on me this April Fool's Day could be worse than anything that's already happened to me this year.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    Not to alarm you, but I was hoping you could help me procure a flame retardant jumpsuit for April Fool's.

    Not to alarm you, but I was hoping you could help me procure a flame retardant jumpsuit for April Fool's.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    I'm comfortable with any April Fool's Day hoax outside of a multi-billion dollar Ponzi scheme.

    I'm comfortable with any April Fool's Day hoax outside of a multi-billion dollar Ponzi scheme.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    To avoid confusion, I'm waiting until tomorrow to tell you I'm pregnant.

    To avoid confusion, I'm waiting until tomorrow to tell you I'm pregnant.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    Happy Pretty Much Just Another Day Where Everything On The Internet Is Fake.

    Happy Pretty Much Just Another Day Where Everything On The Internet Is Fake.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    Congratulations on effectively deceiving and humiliating me.

    Congratulations on effectively deceiving and humiliating me.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    Just a heads up not to worry about any April Fool's Day pranks because I'll be too depressed that it's Monday.

    Just a heads up not to worry about any April Fool's Day pranks because I'll be too depressed that it's Monday.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    Sorry I mistook your announcement of a ghastly personal tragedy for an April Fool's joke.

    Sorry I mistook your announcement of a ghastly personal tragedy for an April Fool's joke.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    I really wish I didn't have to remind you that staging a murder is not an appropriate April Fool's Day prank.

    I really wish I didn't have to remind you that staging a murder is not an appropriate April Fool's Day prank.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    I intend to abuse your kind, trusting nature for the sake of my own moderate, short-lived amusement.

    I intend to abuse your kind, trusting nature for the sake of my own moderate, short-lived amusement.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    I'm going to go ahead and assume that setting me up with your highly undatable friend was your attempt at an April Fool's joke.

    I'm going to go ahead and assume that setting me up with your highly undatable friend was your attempt at an April Fool's joke.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    Let's make sure our harmless prank doesn't cause long-term psychological damage to scores of innocent civilians.

    Let's make sure our harmless prank doesn't cause long-term psychological damage to scores of innocent civilians.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    Sorry I assumed you were playing an April Fool's Day prank when you sincerely sent me a website's lame April Fool's Day prank.

    Sorry I assumed you were playing an April Fool's Day prank when you sincerely sent me a website's lame April Fool's Day prank.

  • April Fool's Day April Fool's Day

    Being unemployed affords me plenty of time to devise treacherous April Fool's pranks on the people who made me unemployed.

    Being unemployed affords me plenty of time to devise treacherous April Fool's pranks on the people who made me unemployed.

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