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  • Thanks Thanks

    Your gift was a heartwarming reminder of what thoughtless bastards the rest of my friends are.

    Your gift was a heartwarming reminder of what thoughtless bastards the rest of my friends are.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I look forward to blaming a drone for losing a birthday present I never got you.

    I look forward to blaming a drone for losing a birthday present I never got you.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Sorry you'll be spending your birthday with your family.

    Sorry you'll be spending your birthday with your family.

  • The Home Depot The Home Depot

    Renovating the kitchen would be a great way to make up for you never doing the cooking.

    Renovating the kitchen would be a great way to make up for you never doing the cooking.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    Please don't remotely worry about buying me a gift this year if cash would be easier.

    Please don't remotely worry about buying me a gift this year if cash would be easier.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    Being a Secret Santa is pretty much the only office secret you've ever kept.

    Being a Secret Santa is pretty much the only office secret you've ever kept.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook.

    I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I'm buying you the nicest birthday gift that post-Christmas clearance sales have to offer.

    I'm buying you the nicest birthday gift that post-Christmas clearance sales have to offer.

  • The Home Depot The Home Depot

    All I want for Christmas is the gift I've been relentlessly hinting I want.

    All I want for Christmas is the gift I've been relentlessly hinting I want.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    All I want for Christmas is an electronic gadget that won't be obsolete by New Year's.

    All I want for Christmas is an electronic gadget that won't be obsolete by New Year's.

  • Birthday Birthday

    If you're wondering, I definitely consider us close enough for you to get me a birthday gift.

    If you're wondering, I definitely consider us close enough for you to get me a birthday gift.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I saved a lot of money on Christmas presents this year by not spending any money on Christmas presents.

    I saved a lot of money on Christmas presents this year by not spending any money on Christmas presents.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    All I want for Christmas this year is the 2008 version of Obama.

    All I want for Christmas this year is the 2008 version of Obama.

  • Wedding Wedding

    Thanks for buying an item off our wedding registry that wasn't put there by my spouse.

    Thanks for buying an item off our wedding registry that wasn't put there by my spouse.

  • Birthday Birthday

    For your January birthday I promise to regift a Christmas present I didn't totally hate.

    For your January birthday I promise to regift a Christmas present I didn't totally hate.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas except you don't get any presents for holding in all your familial rage.

    Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas except you don't get any presents for holding in all your familial rage.

  • Hanukkah Hanukkah

    I hope Hanukkah shopping on Black Friday and Cyber Monday saved you money but not enough to perpetuate a stereotype.

    I hope Hanukkah shopping on Black Friday and Cyber Monday saved you money but not enough to perpetuate a stereotype.

  • Playing For.. Playing For..

    All I want during the holidays is to stop fighting long enough to open my presents.

    All I want during the holidays is to stop fighting long enough to open my presents.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I'm assuming Facebook will let Santa know what I want for Christmas.

    I'm assuming Facebook will let Santa know what I want for Christmas.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I hope you really like your present so I can lord over you how much better I am at gift-giving.

    I hope you really like your present so I can lord over you how much better I am at gift-giving.

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