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  • Apology Apology

    Just wanted to offer my deepest condolences on having to be in a relationship with me.

    Just wanted to offer my deepest condolences on having to be in a relationship with me.

  • Missing You Missing You

    I miss you almost as much as I miss having sex with you.

    I miss you almost as much as I miss having sex with you.

  • Flirting Flirting

    I want to awkwardly share a bathroom with you for the rest of my life.

    I want to awkwardly share a bathroom with you for the rest of my life.

  • Thinking of You Thinking of You

    I think our relationship is finally at that point where you should learn about my existence.

    I think our relationship is finally at that point where you should learn about my existence.

  • Friendship Friendship

    I hope your recent bout of happiness doesn't ruin our perfectly good, mutually beneficial relationship built on complaining.

    I hope your recent bout of happiness doesn't ruin our perfectly good, mutually beneficial relationship built on complaining.

  • Breakup Breakup

    I'd like to go out with you, but I'm not ready for a serious relationship with an asshole.

    I'd like to go out with you, but I'm not ready for a serious relationship with an asshole.

  • Cry for Help Cry for Help

    I wish I had a failing relationship to complain about.

    I wish I had a failing relationship to complain about.

  • Flirting Flirting

    The overwhelming amount of times you've been unfaithful during our relationship only confirms my suspicion that you're hot.

    The overwhelming amount of times you've been unfaithful during our relationship only confirms my suspicion that you're hot.

  • Flirting Flirting

    I'd be willing to set my alarm ten or fifteen minutes earlier if you wanted to have morning sex.

    I'd be willing to set my alarm ten or fifteen minutes earlier if you wanted to have morning sex.

  • Confession Confession

    Sometimes I check your facebook page to see if we're still in a relationship.

    Sometimes I check your facebook page to see if we're still in a relationship.

  • Flirting Flirting

    There's nothing I love more than waking up next to you and a device to check my email.

    There's nothing I love more than waking up next to you and a device to check my email.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations on being in a relationship with someone who doesn't realize they're in a relationship.

    Congratulations on being in a relationship with someone who doesn't realize they're in a relationship.

  • Flirting Flirting

    Let’s have sex like we still care about impressing each other.

    Let’s have sex like we still care about impressing each other.

  • Apology Apology

    I'm sorry there isn't a relationship status on Facebook that accurately describes our situation.

    I'm sorry there isn't a relationship status on Facebook that accurately describes our situation.

  • Confession Confession

    I'm ready for the next step as long as it involves no changes whatsoever to our relationship.

    I'm ready for the next step as long as it involves no changes whatsoever to our relationship.

  • Breakup Breakup

    I'm having a hard time getting over the relationship that we were never in.

    I'm having a hard time getting over the relationship that we were never in.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    It's pointless to make relationship-based someecards because nobody that visits this site is normal enough to be in one.

    It's pointless to make relationship-based someecards because nobody that visits this site is normal enough to be in one.

  • Thinking Of You Thinking Of You

    I can't think of anyone I'd rather be in a dysfunctional relationship with.

    I can't think of anyone I'd rather be in a dysfunctional relationship with.

  • Anniversary Anniversary

    I'm glad our relationship is solid enough that we can spend our time criticizing everyone else's.

    I'm glad our relationship is solid enough that we can spend our time criticizing everyone else's.

  • Flirting Flirting

    You're a sight for horny eyes.

    You're a sight for horny eyes.

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