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  • Flirting Flirting

    You make me even hotter than global warming does.

    You make me even hotter than global warming does.

  • Birthday Birthday

    You may feel old but you're still the youngest person I had sex with this year.

    You may feel old but you're still the youngest person I had sex with this year.

  • Censored Censored

    Censored: Been thinking about you all day.

    Censored: Been thinking about you all day.

  • Tax Day Tax Day

    I want to do to your body what the IRS does to your income.

    I want to do to your body what the IRS does to your income.

  • TV TV

    I want to get you as gratuitously naked as a Game of Thrones character.

    I want to get you as gratuitously naked as a Game of Thrones character.

  • Pregnancy Pregnancy

    Your pregnancy breasts make me want to get you pregnant again.

    Your pregnancy breasts make me want to get you pregnant again.

  • Curve Appeal Curve Appeal

    I think I'm ready for a Friday date.

    I think I'm ready for a Friday date.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Office Coupon: Good for one instance of you saying something pervy that I won't report to HR.

    Office Coupon: Good for one instance of you saying something pervy that I won't report to HR.

  • Curve Appeal Curve Appeal

    You're my favorite excuse for being too busy to see my friends.

    You're my favorite excuse for being too busy to see my friends.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    I'd love it if we took unbuttoning our pants after Thanksgiving dinner a step further.

    I'd love it if we took unbuttoning our pants after Thanksgiving dinner a step further.

  • Curve Appeal Curve Appeal

    I've loved you from the moment I first googled you.

    I've loved you from the moment I first googled you.

  • Flirting Flirting

    If I ruined my life by having a baby I'd want it to be with you.

    If I ruined my life by having a baby I'd want it to be with you.

  • Censored Censored

    Censored: Thinking of you on your birthday.

    Censored: Thinking of you on your birthday.

  • Censored Censored

    Censored: Hope you're staying cool this summer.

    Censored: Hope you're staying cool this summer.

  • Flirting Flirting

    You know it's cold out if I'm fantasizing about us putting more clothes on.

    You know it's cold out if I'm fantasizing about us putting more clothes on.

  • Censored Censored

    Censored: I'd be happy to give you a pick-me-up at work today.

    Censored: I'd be happy to give you a pick-me-up at work today.

  • Censored Censored

    Censored: Let's see more of each other.

    Censored: Let's see more of each other.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I'm only wearing this ugly Christmas sweater so that you'll rip it off my body.

    I'm only wearing this ugly Christmas sweater so that you'll rip it off my body.

  • Thinking Of You Thinking Of You

    May your day be filled with consensual sexts.

    May your day be filled with consensual sexts.

  • Censored Censored

    Censored: I feel so empty when you're not around.

    Censored: I feel so empty when you're not around.

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