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  • Cry for Help Cry for Help

    I was almost hoping that the pregnancy test I took would show up positive so there would be an explanation for my recent weight gain.

    I was almost hoping that the pregnancy test I took would show up positive so there would be an explanation for my recent weight gain.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Sorry you failed your employee drug test because of the drugs you take so you can tolerate other employees.

    Sorry you failed your employee drug test because of the drugs you take so you can tolerate other employees.

  • Confession Confession

    I wish I didn't have to be sober to celebrate my sobriety.

    I wish I didn't have to be sober to celebrate my sobriety.

  • Sports Sports

    The only things standing between us and our Olympic dreams are that we're out-of-shape, apathetic, and incapable of passing a drug test.

    The only things standing between us and our Olympic dreams are that we're out-of-shape, apathetic, and incapable of passing a drug test.

  • Halloween Halloween

    Truly Terrifying Jack O' Lantern: Pregnant.

    Truly Terrifying Jack O' Lantern: Pregnant.

  • Encouragement Encouragement

    Remember, it's just a test. If you fuck up, it doesn't mean you're a fuckup. That said, try not to fuck this up. It's pretty important.

    Remember, it's just a test. If you fuck up, it doesn't mean you're a fuckup. That said, try not to fuck this up. It's pretty important.

  • Graduation Graduation

    If you're feeling stressed about finals, just remember that corporate America doesn't even care if you graduate.

    If you're feeling stressed about finals, just remember that corporate America doesn't even care if you graduate.

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