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  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    Your smug vegan indignity won't bring this delicious turkey back to life.

    Your smug vegan indignity won't bring this delicious turkey back to life.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    Happy Thanksgiving to everyone except people who call it Turkey Day.

    Happy Thanksgiving to everyone except people who call it Turkey Day.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    I hope seeing your high school friends over Thanksgiving doesn't bring back memories of high school.

    I hope seeing your high school friends over Thanksgiving doesn't bring back memories of high school.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    Allow me to apologize in advance for what I will do to your bathroom on Thanksgiving.

    Allow me to apologize in advance for what I will do to your bathroom on Thanksgiving.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    One reason I live with my parents is to beat Thanksgiving traffic.

    One reason I live with my parents is to beat Thanksgiving traffic.

  • Thanksgivukkah Thanksgivukkah

    Let's agree that Thanksgivukkah means we can stuff our faces with turkey and latkes for eight straight days.

    Let's agree that Thanksgivukkah means we can stuff our faces with turkey and latkes for eight straight days.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    I'm torn between the lack of mental anguish at your parents' Thanksgiving dinner and the far superior turkey at mine.

    I'm torn between the lack of mental anguish at your parents' Thanksgiving dinner and the far superior turkey at mine.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    I'm already eating at a Thanksgiving level.

    I'm already eating at a Thanksgiving level.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    Let's eat enough to feed a third-world family for a month.

    Let's eat enough to feed a third-world family for a month.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    Sorry this Thanksgiving you could really use those canned goods you donated last Thanksgiving.

    Sorry this Thanksgiving you could really use those canned goods you donated last Thanksgiving.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    May you get as much ass play as a turkey this Thanksgiving.

    May you get as much ass play as a turkey this Thanksgiving.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    I'm grateful there will be someone else at Thanksgiving dinner able to intelligently discuss the latest issue of US Weekly.

    I'm grateful there will be someone else at Thanksgiving dinner able to intelligently discuss the latest issue of US Weekly.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    I'm attracted to you enough to fool around after a full Thanksgiving dinner.

    I'm attracted to you enough to fool around after a full Thanksgiving dinner.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    Happy Thanksgiving to someone who's taught me how to not hate holidays.

    Happy Thanksgiving to someone who's taught me how to not hate holidays.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    Here's to the tryptophan kicking in before you're able to clog Facebook with pictures of turkey.

    Here's to the tryptophan kicking in before you're able to clog Facebook with pictures of turkey.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    Now that I've lost my job, I imagine carving the turkey will be the only time this year I'll feel like a man.

    Now that I've lost my job, I imagine carving the turkey will be the only time this year I'll feel like a man.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    I'm excited this Thanksgiving to eat like the 1% and drink like the 99%.

    I'm excited this Thanksgiving to eat like the 1% and drink like the 99%.

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