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  • TV TV

    I enjoyed watching Joffrey die as much as Joffrey enjoyed watching people die.

    I enjoyed watching Joffrey die as much as Joffrey enjoyed watching people die.

  • TV TV

    Don Draper is even better than you are at pretending to have a real job.

    Don Draper is even better than you are at pretending to have a real job.

  • Wedding Wedding

    I'd rather die at a Game of Thrones wedding than spend money to go to one more this year.

    I'd rather die at a Game of Thrones wedding than spend money to go to one more this year.

  • TV TV

    If more characters on Game of Thrones keep dying, I may actually be able to follow the plot.

    If more characters on Game of Thrones keep dying, I may actually be able to follow the plot.

  • TV TV

    You don't have to worry about me spoiling Game of Thrones for you because I have no idea what is going on.

    You don't have to worry about me spoiling Game of Thrones for you because I have no idea what is going on.

  • TV TV

    I'm the Jesse Pinkman of never giving away my money.

    I'm the Jesse Pinkman of never giving away my money.

  • Thinking Of You Thinking Of You

    I love that you're always up for doing nothing.

    I love that you're always up for doing nothing.

  • TV TV

    Congratulations on overcoming your fear of watching graphic sex scenes involving Steve Buscemi.

    Congratulations on overcoming your fear of watching graphic sex scenes involving Steve Buscemi.

  • Flirting Flirting

    I'm glad the cold weather has made you want to stay in and watch TV as much as I do even when it's nice out.

    I'm glad the cold weather has made you want to stay in and watch TV as much as I do even when it's nice out.

  • TV TV

    Here's to taking a moment away from staring at Jon Hamm's crotch to follow the plot of Mad Men.

    Here's to taking a moment away from staring at Jon Hamm's crotch to follow the plot of Mad Men.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Your ignorance of the news is rapidly becoming as depressing as the news.

    Your ignorance of the news is rapidly becoming as depressing as the news.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I'm glad our friendship has blossomed since there's nothing new on TV.

    I'm glad our friendship has blossomed since there's nothing new on TV.

  • TV TV

    I hope the new season of Arrested Development lives up to your expectations of being the best thing that's ever happened in your entire life.

    I hope the new season of Arrested Development lives up to your expectations of being the best thing that's ever happened in your entire life.

  • Sports Sports

    This is the most exciting World Series I've ever felt slightly bad about completely ignoring.

    This is the most exciting World Series I've ever felt slightly bad about completely ignoring.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I'm excited to see Sarah Palin's last chance to speak on TV before she's potentially dropped from the ticket.

    I'm excited to see Sarah Palin's last chance to speak on TV before she's potentially dropped from the ticket.

  • Best Feelings Best Feelings

    The shortest acceptance speech ever deserves an award of its own.

    The shortest acceptance speech ever deserves an award of its own.

  • TV TV

    I'd be much more efficient if I could combine hating my job with hating Two and a Half Men.

    I'd be much more efficient if I could combine hating my job with hating Two and a Half Men.

  • TV TV

    I blame Jay Leno for my guilt over not actually liking Conan.

    I blame Jay Leno for my guilt over not actually liking Conan.

  • XFINITY.. XFINITY..

    You're cordially invited to watch Downton Abbey with me at my one-bedroom estate.

    You're cordially invited to watch Downton Abbey with me at my one-bedroom estate.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I hope you know you could never be replaced as quickly as CBS replaced Letterman.

    I hope you know you could never be replaced as quickly as CBS replaced Letterman.

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