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  • Encouragement Encouragement

    There's no shame in unemployment if you stay indoors.

    There's no shame in unemployment if you stay indoors.

  • Apology Apology

    I apologize for confusing your freelance writing career with unemployment.

    I apologize for confusing your freelance writing career with unemployment.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I'm against building a mosque at Ground Zero unless they're hiring.

    I'm against building a mosque at Ground Zero unless they're hiring.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations on the exciting new freelance opportunity you've spun your unemployment as.

    Congratulations on the exciting new freelance opportunity you've spun your unemployment as.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I found the perfect gift for someone with money to get you.

    I found the perfect gift for someone with money to get you.

  • College College

    Take a break from studying for finals to go protest your upcoming state of unemployment.

    Take a break from studying for finals to go protest your upcoming state of unemployment.

  • Seasonal Seasonal

    I hope it snows so I can create the illusion I'm home for a snow day rather than my crippling unemployment.

    I hope it snows so I can create the illusion I'm home for a snow day rather than my crippling unemployment.

  • Occupy Something Occupy Something

    I need the day off from work to go protest unemployment.

    I need the day off from work to go protest unemployment.

  • Labor Day Labor Day

    Here's to hopefully still having jobs when we return from Labor Day weekend.

    Here's to hopefully still having jobs when we return from Labor Day weekend.

  • Labor Day Labor Day

    The Labor Day holiday means I get my unemployment check a day late.

    The Labor Day holiday means I get my unemployment check a day late.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Asking you about any media job openings has nothing to do with what Rick Sanchez said.

    Asking you about any media job openings has nothing to do with what Rick Sanchez said.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Collecting unemployment is the new 30.

    Collecting unemployment is the new 30.

  • Reminders Reminders

    Just wanted to remind you how important it is to pay your taxes because they pay for my unemployment.

    Just wanted to remind you how important it is to pay your taxes because they pay for my unemployment.

  • Graduation Graduation

    I hope you enjoyed going home Mother's Day to see your post-graduation living arrangements.

    I hope you enjoyed going home Mother's Day to see your post-graduation living arrangements.

  • Flirting Flirting

    I'm comfortable dating a woman who makes more money than the amount of my unemployment checks.

    I'm comfortable dating a woman who makes more money than the amount of my unemployment checks.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Let's choose a president who can handle a brutal economy, rampant unemployment, and lists of three.

    Let's choose a president who can handle a brutal economy, rampant unemployment, and lists of three.

  • Bother Voting Bother Voting

    Being laid off should give you plenty of time to vote.

    Being laid off should give you plenty of time to vote.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I'm worried your unemployment will make it difficult to afford my Christmas gifts.

    I'm worried your unemployment will make it difficult to afford my Christmas gifts.

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