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  • Thinking Of You Thinking Of You

    Without you I'm as blue as Walter White's meth.

    Without you I'm as blue as Walter White's meth.

  • TV TV

    Even Walter White couldn't improve on the chemistry between us.

    Even Walter White couldn't improve on the chemistry between us.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I’m dreaming of a white Christmas so the roads will be too dangerous to drive to your party.

    I’m dreaming of a white Christmas so the roads will be too dangerous to drive to your party.

  • Farewell Farewell

    Sorry you have white guilt about going on a winter vacation to an island riddled with poverty.

    Sorry you have white guilt about going on a winter vacation to an island riddled with poverty.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I'd be amazing at my job if taking dumps led to as much success for me as it did for Hank on Breaking Bad.

    I'd be amazing at my job if taking dumps led to as much success for me as it did for Hank on Breaking Bad.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I hope you have a white Christmas with your very white family.

    I hope you have a white Christmas with your very white family.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    It's okay to call Dr. Laura the 'C' word, because white people say it all the time.

    It's okay to call Dr. Laura the "C" word, because white people say it all the time.

  • Flirting Flirting

    You're the only white guy whose lever I'll be pulling this November.

    You're the only white guy whose lever I'll be pulling this November.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Here's to being a bunch of well-paid, marginally skilled white guys.

    Here's to being a bunch of well-paid, marginally skilled white guys.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    This Cinco de Mayo, let's teach Mexicans in Arizona how to look as white as possible while partying.

    This Cinco de Mayo, let's teach Mexicans in Arizona how to look as white as possible while partying.

  • TV TV

    I challenge you to find a whiter problem than Mad Men and Game of Thrones being on at the same time.

    I challenge you to find a whiter problem than Mad Men and Game of Thrones being on at the same time.

  • MLK Day MLK Day

    MLK Day is a great opportunity to feel ashamed of our white ancestors.

    MLK Day is a great opportunity to feel ashamed of our white ancestors.

  • Flirting Flirting

    I want to see you naked as much as I don't want to see Walter White in his underwear.

    I want to see you naked as much as I don't want to see Walter White in his underwear.

  • Birthday Birthday

    May you never be as old, white, or out of touch as Academy Award voters.

    May you never be as old, white, or out of touch as Academy Award voters.

  • Apology Apology

    Sorry you're white.

    Sorry you're white.

  • Sports Sports

    It's too bad Shaun White made the mistake of only skipping one snowboarding event at Sochi.

    It's too bad Shaun White made the mistake of only skipping one snowboarding event at Sochi.

  • TV TV

    Breaking Bad has taught me the hazards of bringing my porn-filled computer anywhere near a giant magnet.

    Breaking Bad has taught me the hazards of bringing my porn-filled computer anywhere near a giant magnet.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I was going to vote for Obama until I found out he's half-white.

    I was going to vote for Obama until I found out he's half-white.

  • My Chateau My Chateau

    I prefer white wines because they're easier to clean up whenever my child knocks over my glass.

    I prefer white wines because they're easier to clean up whenever my child knocks over my glass.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I admire Michael Jackson's creativity in having his children artificially constructed out of white people.

    I admire Michael Jackson's creativity in having his children artificially constructed out of white people.

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