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  • Workplace Workplace

    I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.

    I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.

  • Workplace Workplace

    We will continue having lots of meetings until we find out why no work is getting done.

    We will continue having lots of meetings until we find out why no work is getting done.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone who'd look much younger if not for working in this place.

    Happy birthday to someone who'd look much younger if not for working in this place.

  • Cry For Help Cry For Help

    Having Monday off is a great opportunity to hate Tuesday.

    Having Monday off is a great opportunity to hate Tuesday.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I find it strange that we celebrate you on the anniversary of a day when your mom did all of the work.

    I find it strange that we celebrate you on the anniversary of a day when your mom did all of the work.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Sometimes I like to treat myself at work and just do one thing at a time.

    Sometimes I like to treat myself at work and just do one thing at a time.

  • Cry for Help Cry for Help

    I can't believe I work this hard to be this poor.

    I can't believe I work this hard to be this poor.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I'm too fat to come into work today.

    I'm too fat to come into work today.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I can't tell if I'm hungover or if it's just Monday.

    I can't tell if I'm hungover or if it's just Monday.

  • Encouragement Encouragement

    May you someday work as hard at your job as you do at CrossFit.

    May you someday work as hard at your job as you do at CrossFit.

  • Workplace Workplace

    The only thing I plan to accomplish at work today is to turn a gallon of coffee into a gallon of piss.

    The only thing I plan to accomplish at work today is to turn a gallon of coffee into a gallon of piss.

  • Cry for Help Cry for Help

    Pretending to look busy on a Friday is hard work.

    Pretending to look busy on a Friday is hard work.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Here's to all the heroes who save their morning dumps for work so they can get paid to poop.

    Here's to all the heroes who save their morning dumps for work so they can get paid to poop.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I'm going to miss not getting to know you at work.

    I'm going to miss not getting to know you at work.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I increased productivity at work by calling in sick today.

    I increased productivity at work by calling in sick today.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I've love to come to happy hour but I already have plans after work to not be around people from work.

    I've love to come to happy hour but I already have plans after work to not be around people from work.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I didn't think it was possible to start out at the bottom and work your way down.

    I didn't think it was possible to start out at the bottom and work your way down.

  • Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

    Don't forget to leave work early today so that people actually think you have Valentine's Day plans.

    Don't forget to leave work early today so that people actually think you have Valentine's Day plans.

  • Drinking Drinking

    I snuck a bunch of booze into work today using my stomach.

    I snuck a bunch of booze into work today using my stomach.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Sometimes while at work I ponder the fact that if I was in prison I would at least be rewarded for good behavior.

    Sometimes while at work I ponder the fact that if I was in prison I would at least be rewarded for good behavior.

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