• Wedding Wedding

    Thank you for letting us ruin one of your weekends to celebrate us ruining the rest of our lives.

    Thank you for letting us ruin one of your weekends to celebrate us ruining the rest of our lives.

  • Passover Passover

    Let's celebrate the Jews escaping from someone who was even worse than King Joffrey.

    Let's celebrate the Jews escaping from someone who was even worse than King Joffrey.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Let's celebrate your new job promotion by doing something that can get you fired.

    Let's celebrate your new job promotion by doing something that can get you fired.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Let's absurdly over-celebrate your birthday as much as people do Jesus's.

    Let's absurdly over-celebrate your birthday as much as people do Jesus's.

  • Thanksgivukkah Thanksgivukkah

    Let's celebrate a once-in-a-lifetime holiday with a meal almost as insane as my average drunk snack.

    Let's celebrate a once-in-a-lifetime holiday with a meal almost as insane as my average drunk snack.

  • Pregnancy Pregnancy

    Let's celebrate your pregnancy by me getting wasted.

    Let's celebrate your pregnancy by me getting wasted.

  • Halloween Halloween

    Let's celebrate an American childhood staple by dressing in costumes made by kids in foreign sweat shops.

    Let's celebrate an American childhood staple by dressing in costumes made by kids in foreign sweat shops.

  • Boss's Day Boss's Day

    Let’s celebrate Boss's Day by getting you as drunk as someone with far fewer responsibilities.

    Let’s celebrate Boss's Day by getting you as drunk as someone with far fewer responsibilities.

  • Columbus Day Columbus Day

    If you're going to celebrate a genocidal maniac, I hope it's at least slightly ruined by it being on a Monday.

    If you're going to celebrate a genocidal maniac, I hope it's at least slightly ruined by it being on a Monday.

  • Columbus Day Columbus Day

    Let's celebrate the only illegal immigrant in history that Republicans respect.

    Let's celebrate the only illegal immigrant in history that Republicans respect.

  • Columbus Day Columbus Day

    Let's celebrate Columbus Day by voyaging from the couch to the fridge.

    Let's celebrate Columbus Day by voyaging from the couch to the fridge.

  • Anniversary Anniversary

    Let's celebrate our anniversary by reviewing which vows we still haven't broken.

    Let's celebrate our anniversary by reviewing which vows we still haven't broken.

  • Anniversary Anniversary

    On our anniversary let's celebrate being one year closer to death do us part.

    On our anniversary let's celebrate being one year closer to death do us part.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Let's celebrate your birthday somewhere with cheap enough drinks that I can get drunk enough to ruin your birthday.

    Let's celebrate your birthday somewhere with cheap enough drinks that I can get drunk enough to ruin your birthday.

  • Rosh Hashanah Rosh Hashanah

    Let's celebrate a strangely upbeat Jewish holiday.

    Let's celebrate a strangely upbeat Jewish holiday.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Let's celebrate a guy who walks around in flamboyant robes and necklaces all day for not judging homosexuals.

    Let's celebrate a guy who walks around in flamboyant robes and necklaces all day for not judging homosexuals.

  • Independence Day Independence Day

    Let's take a break from complaining about America to celebrate America.

    Let's take a break from complaining about America to celebrate America.

  • Independence Day Independence Day

    This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be unwittingly spied on by our government.

    This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be unwittingly spied on by our government.

  • Independence Day Independence Day

    I'm going out to celebrate my independence if it's okay with you.

    I'm going out to celebrate my independence if it's okay with you.

  • Independence Day Independence Day

    If our forefathers had known how we'd celebrate our freedom, we'd all be British right now.

    If our forefathers had known how we'd celebrate our freedom, we'd all be British right now.

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