• Mom Mom

    There's nobody I'd rather quietly resent our kids with than you.

    There's nobody I'd rather quietly resent our kids with than you.

  • Modern Family Modern Family

    My dad's hapless parenting skills taught me the most important thing is trying your best.

    My dad's hapless parenting skills taught me the most important thing is trying your best.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Dad, I think I'm going to enjoy your uncomfortably honest old guy stage.

    Dad, I think I'm going to enjoy your uncomfortably honest old guy stage.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Dad, thanks for being emotionally distant enough to not care about me forgetting it was Father's Day.

    Dad, thanks for being emotionally distant enough to not care about me forgetting it was Father's Day.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Happy belated Father's Day from someone who has clearly inherited your absent-mindedness.

    Happy belated Father's Day from someone who has clearly inherited your absent-mindedness.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Dad, the greatest Father's Day gift I can give is not subjecting you to an awkward phone call.

    Dad, the greatest Father's Day gift I can give is not subjecting you to an awkward phone call.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Dad, thanks for loving me almost as much as your legitimate offspring.

    Dad, thanks for loving me almost as much as your legitimate offspring.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Here's to Kanye West for making every other dad look like slightly less of an asshole this Father's Day.

    Here's to Kanye West for making every other dad look like slightly less of an asshole this Father's Day.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Thanks for being one of the only dads who won't be confused by me wishing you Happy Father's Day on Facebook.

    Thanks for being one of the only dads who won't be confused by me wishing you Happy Father's Day on Facebook.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    I never knew my father, but I'm sure he'd be proud of me also being a deadbeat dad.

    I never knew my father, but I'm sure he'd be proud of me also being a deadbeat dad.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Dad, thanks for doing a terrible job of hiding your porn collection from me.

    Dad, thanks for doing a terrible job of hiding your porn collection from me.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Happy Father's Day to a stepdad whose disappointment in me is so genuine it feels biological.

    Happy Father's Day to a stepdad whose disappointment in me is so genuine it feels biological.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Dad, I love you even more than I hate expressing my emotions towards other men.

    Dad, I love you even more than I hate expressing my emotions towards other men.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Dad, thanks for having me before the Internet could ruin my childhood.

    Dad, thanks for having me before the Internet could ruin my childhood.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Happy Father's Day to someone who inexplicably loves signing his name in each of his text messages.

    Happy Father's Day to someone who inexplicably loves signing his name in each of his text messages.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Happy Father's Day to someone who I'm pretty sure became a dad on purpose.

    Happy Father's Day to someone who I'm pretty sure became a dad on purpose.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Dad, one day I hope to fulfill your dream of never having children.

    Dad, one day I hope to fulfill your dream of never having children.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Happy Father's Day to a grandfather who has stoically accepted multiple generations of disappointment.

    Happy Father's Day to a grandfather who has stoically accepted multiple generations of disappointment.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Happy You-Knocked-Up-Mom Day.

    Happy You-Knocked-Up-Mom Day.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Happy Father's Day to the man currently serving as a paternal stand-in due to my daddy issues.

    Happy Father's Day to the man currently serving as a paternal stand-in due to my daddy issues.

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