• Seasonal Seasonal

    The first sure sign it's spring is stepping in a thawed out pile of dog crap.

    The first sure sign it's spring is stepping in a thawed out pile of dog crap.

  • Birthday Birthday

    If you were a dog you'd be dead by now.

    If you were a dog you'd be dead by now.

  • Mom Mom

    Thanks for letting me know you understand what it's like to be a parent since you have a pet.

    Thanks for letting me know you understand what it's like to be a parent since you have a pet.

  • Chinese New Year Chinese New Year

    May your fireworks help ward off evil spirits and not cause my dog to unleash his bowels all over my apartment.

    May your fireworks help ward off evil spirits and not cause my dog to unleash his bowels all over my apartment.

  • Clorox Bleach.. Clorox Bleach..

    I think we're ready to get a pet for you to clean up after.

    I think we're ready to get a pet for you to clean up after.

  • Seasonal Seasonal

    It's cold enough that I'm eagerly anticipating picking up my dog's warm feces.

    It's cold enough that I'm eagerly anticipating picking up my dog's warm feces.

  • Sports Sports

    At least you won't have to pay $12 for a hot dog at a Yankees playoff game.

    At least you won't have to pay $12 for a hot dog at a Yankees playoff game.

  • Pets Pets

    Sorry our dog isn't capable of hiding how much more it likes me than you.

    Sorry our dog isn't capable of hiding how much more it likes me than you.

  • Pets Pets

    Be grateful your dog loves you despite its amazing sense of smell.

    Be grateful your dog loves you despite its amazing sense of smell.

  • Pets Pets

    My puppy's attention span is almost as tragically short as mine.

    My puppy's attention span is almost as tragically short as mine.

  • Pets Pets

    I feel guiltier leaving my dog at home than I do leaving my spouse.

    I feel guiltier leaving my dog at home than I do leaving my spouse.

  • Pets Pets

    I bet my dog would be my least annoying Facebook friend.

    I bet my dog would be my least annoying Facebook friend.

  • Pets Pets

    I pray my dog never finds out how much more popular cats are on the Internet.

    I pray my dog never finds out how much more popular cats are on the Internet.

  • Cute Therapy Cute Therapy

    You may have to kiss peoples' asses but at least you don't have to sniff their buttholes.

    You may have to kiss peoples' asses but at least you don't have to sniff their buttholes.

  • Cute Therapy Cute Therapy

    Next time you're feeling old, just be thankful your lifespan is greater than 10-15 years.

    Next time you're feeling old, just be thankful your lifespan is greater than 10-15 years.

  • Pets Pets

    I need a vacation from my vacation spent worrying about my dog in the kennel.

    I need a vacation from my vacation spent worrying about my dog in the kennel.

  • Pets Pets

    Let's adopt a dog for you to take care of.

    Let's adopt a dog for you to take care of.

  • Pets Pets

    Having a pet is the reason I only spend 97% of the day thinking about myself.

    Having a pet is the reason I only spend 97% of the day thinking about myself.

  • Pets Pets

    I can always count on my dog to make me feel better about a bad hair day.

    I can always count on my dog to make me feel better about a bad hair day.

  • Pets Pets

    If you're uncomfortable around my dog, I'm happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.

    If you're uncomfortable around my dog, I'm happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.

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