• Passover Passover

    Let's celebrate the Jews escaping from someone who was even worse than King Joffrey.

    Let's celebrate the Jews escaping from someone who was even worse than King Joffrey.

  • Passover Passover

    I wish Moses would show up at my office and lead us into the desert.

    I wish Moses would show up at my office and lead us into the desert.

  • Passover Passover

    Happy Passover to someone I wish would stop trying to pronounce 'Pesach.'

    Happy Passover to someone I wish would stop trying to pronounce "Pesach."

  • Hanukkah Hanukkah

    Happy Hanukkah to a Jew who lives in a part of the country where no one knows what Hanukkah is.

    Happy Hanukkah to a Jew who lives in a part of the country where no one knows what Hanukkah is.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations to Jewish mothers on Adam Levine winning Sexiest Man Alive.

    Congratulations to Jewish mothers on Adam Levine winning Sexiest Man Alive.

  • Thanksgivukkah Thanksgivukkah

    Trying to cook for people on Thanksgivukkah sounds almost as annoying as trying to cook for vegans on any day of the year.

    Trying to cook for people on Thanksgivukkah sounds almost as annoying as trying to cook for vegans on any day of the year.

  • Thanksgivukkah Thanksgivukkah

    Let's agree that Thanksgivukkah means we can stuff our faces with turkey and latkes for eight straight days.

    Let's agree that Thanksgivukkah means we can stuff our faces with turkey and latkes for eight straight days.

  • Thanksgivukkah Thanksgivukkah

    Let's be grateful that Thanksgiving isn't happening at the same time as Yom Kippur.

    Let's be grateful that Thanksgiving isn't happening at the same time as Yom Kippur.

  • Yom Kippur Yom Kippur

    There's no one I'd rather complain about being slightly hungry with than you.

    There's no one I'd rather complain about being slightly hungry with than you.

  • Yom Kippur Yom Kippur

    May God not be all-knowing enough to realize you're just going through the motions this Yom Kippur.

    May God not be all-knowing enough to realize you're just going through the motions this Yom Kippur.

  • Yom Kippur Yom Kippur

    Happy Yom Kippur to someone who’s getting off far too easily by only having to endure one day of atonement.

    Happy Yom Kippur to someone who’s getting off far too easily by only having to endure one day of atonement.

  • Yom Kippur Yom Kippur

    It's time to start carbo-loading for my Yom Kippur fast.

    It's time to start carbo-loading for my Yom Kippur fast.

  • Sports Sports

    I'm going to synagogue today to pray for my fantasy football team.

    I'm going to synagogue today to pray for my fantasy football team.

  • Rosh Hashanah Rosh Hashanah

    Nothing that's been done to the Jews is as terrifying as forgetting to wish your mother a Happy Rosh Hashanah.

    Nothing that's been done to the Jews is as terrifying as forgetting to wish your mother a Happy Rosh Hashanah.

  • Rosh Hashanah Rosh Hashanah

    Happy Rosh Hashanah from one guilt-ridden, non-practicing Jew to another.

    Happy Rosh Hashanah from one guilt-ridden, non-practicing Jew to another.

  • Rosh Hashanah Rosh Hashanah

    I hope the Jewish New Year doesn't remind you of the resolutions you've been flailing at for eight months.

    I hope the Jewish New Year doesn't remind you of the resolutions you've been flailing at for eight months.

  • Rosh Hashanah Rosh Hashanah

    Let's celebrate a strangely upbeat Jewish holiday.

    Let's celebrate a strangely upbeat Jewish holiday.

  • Rosh Hashanah Rosh Hashanah

    Best of luck not ruining the holiday with your awkward binge drinking of Manischewitz.

    Best of luck not ruining the holiday with your awkward binge drinking of Manischewitz.

  • Passover Passover

    I don't even think Instagram can make Passover food look appetizing.

    I don't even think Instagram can make Passover food look appetizing.

  • Passover Passover

    I'm extremely religious when it gets me out of work early on a Monday.

    I'm extremely religious when it gets me out of work early on a Monday.

DON'T MISS THIS