• College College

    If you were abducted by a Mexican drug cartel while we were on Spring Break, I'd put down my Pina Colada to call the Mexican equivalent of 911.

    If you were abducted by a Mexican drug cartel while we were on Spring Break, I'd put down my Pina Colada to call the Mexican equivalent of 911.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    Let's honor the bravery of Mexican soldiers this Cinco de Mayo by drunkenly devouring a Doritos-shelled taco.

    Let's honor the bravery of Mexican soldiers this Cinco de Mayo by drunkenly devouring a Doritos-shelled taco.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    Just curious if we can count my phoning you to bail me out of jail this Cinco de Mayo as my Mother's Day call.

    Just curious if we can count my phoning you to bail me out of jail this Cinco de Mayo as my Mother's Day call.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    Let's interrupt a week of unbridled American patriotism for a half-assed celebration of Mexico.

    Let's interrupt a week of unbridled American patriotism for a half-assed celebration of Mexico.

  • Smooth Moves Smooth Moves

    This Cinco de Mayo, let's drink and ogle each other responsibly.

    This Cinco de Mayo, let's drink and ogle each other responsibly.

  • Smooth Moves Smooth Moves

    If we hook up this Cinco de Mayo, I promise not to tweet about it.

    If we hook up this Cinco de Mayo, I promise not to tweet about it.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    Pretending to appreciate heartfelt mariachi songs may be the key to getting laid this Cinco de Mayo.

    Pretending to appreciate heartfelt mariachi songs may be the key to getting laid this Cinco de Mayo.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    It may be best to set aside the rest of May to apologize for what you're going to do this Cinco de Mayo.

    It may be best to set aside the rest of May to apologize for what you're going to do this Cinco de Mayo.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    This Cinco de Mayo, let's party like Mexican rock stars if they existed.

    This Cinco de Mayo, let's party like Mexican rock stars if they existed.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    It's times like these I'm grateful I never got into Mexican bestiality.

    It's times like these I'm grateful I never got into Mexican bestiality.

  • Seasonal Seasonal

    There's no such thing as too many poorly lit photos of you on a Mexican beach.

    There's no such thing as too many poorly lit photos of you on a Mexican beach.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    Remember that Cinco de Mayo is an important celebration for Mexicans everywhere except almost all of Mexico.

    Remember that Cinco de Mayo is an important celebration for Mexicans everywhere except almost all of Mexico.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    I'm celebrating Cinco de Mayo by puking tequila and gorditas on the side of a Taco Bell.

    I'm celebrating Cinco de Mayo by puking tequila and gorditas on the side of a Taco Bell.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    Cinco de Mayo makes me long for a world in which all holidays are conveniently named after the dates on which they fall.

    Cinco de Mayo makes me long for a world in which all holidays are conveniently named after the dates on which they fall.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    Let's gather for a shockingly disrespectful homage to Mexican culture.

    Let's gather for a shockingly disrespectful homage to Mexican culture.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    Tonight I insist on eating authentic Mexican food while wearing a novelty sombrero.

    Tonight I insist on eating authentic Mexican food while wearing a novelty sombrero.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    Sorry I wished you a Happy Cinco de Mayo not knowing you're Dominican or Honduran or that that makes a difference.

    Sorry I wished you a Happy Cinco de Mayo not knowing you're Dominican or Honduran or that that makes a difference.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    Let's avoid direct professional confrontations by putting severance checks in the office pinata.

    Let's avoid direct professional confrontations by putting severance checks in the office pinata.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    I'll hook up with you this Cinco de Mayo if you can refrain from calling me a hot tamale.

    I'll hook up with you this Cinco de Mayo if you can refrain from calling me a hot tamale.

  • Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Mayo

    Today I'm making Hispanics more comfortable by peppering conversations with my feeble high school Spanish.

    Today I'm making Hispanics more comfortable by peppering conversations with my feeble high school Spanish.

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