• Movies Movies

    Sorry you're upset Noah isn't as accurate as the fictional book on which it's based.

    Sorry you're upset Noah isn't as accurate as the fictional book on which it's based.

  • Movies Movies

    Congratulations to all the Oscar nominees on allowing yourselves to consume solid food today.

    Congratulations to all the Oscar nominees on allowing yourselves to consume solid food today.

  • Breakup Breakup

    I think we should start seeing other people's Netflix queues.

    I think we should start seeing other people's Netflix queues.

  • Drinking Drinking

    Your Facebook movie would be a great PSA on alcoholism.

    Your Facebook movie would be a great PSA on alcoholism.

  • Movies Movies

    There should be an automatic Oscar given to anyone who correctly pronounces Chiwetel Ejiofor's name.

    There should be an automatic Oscar given to anyone who correctly pronounces Chiwetel Ejiofor's name.

  • Movies Movies

    I don't need to go to the movies to see a man fall in love with his phone.

    I don't need to go to the movies to see a man fall in love with his phone.

  • Flirting Flirting

    Let's relax tonight by spending two hours trying to find something to watch on Netflix.

    Let's relax tonight by spending two hours trying to find something to watch on Netflix.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Congratulations on being one year closer to a senior citizen's discount at the movies.

    Congratulations on being one year closer to a senior citizen's discount at the movies.

  • Flirting Flirting

    I wish our sex life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey.

    I wish our sex life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey.

  • Movies Movies

    The only high-tech, battery-powered superhero I'm interested in this weekend is the one in my nightstand.

    The only high-tech, battery-powered superhero I'm interested in this weekend is the one in my nightstand.

  • Movies Movies

    Let's honor Roger Ebert by watching and then disagreeing on the merits of a movie.

    Let's honor Roger Ebert by watching and then disagreeing on the merits of a movie.

  • Movies Movies

    You're invited to be a seat filler at my Oscar party.

    You're invited to be a seat filler at my Oscar party.

  • Totino's Mom Up Totino's Mom Up

    Nothing makes me hungrier than watching a parade of stick-thin celebrities walk the red carpet.

    Nothing makes me hungrier than watching a parade of stick-thin celebrities walk the red carpet.

  • Movies Movies

    Congratulations to Oscar Pistorius on outperforming all of this year's Best Actor nominees.

    Congratulations to Oscar Pistorius on outperforming all of this year's Best Actor nominees.

  • Movies Movies

    You remind me of Robert De Niro in that every 15 years you decide to take your job seriously.

    You remind me of Robert De Niro in that every 15 years you decide to take your job seriously.

  • Pop Secret Movie Pop Secret Movie

    Sorry the performance I put on for you last night would only be a contender for Best Short Film.

    Sorry the performance I put on for you last night would only be a contender for Best Short Film.

  • Pop Secret Movie Pop Secret Movie

    You're formally invited to an evening of brutally critiquing incredibly expensive outfits in our sweatpants.

    You're formally invited to an evening of brutally critiquing incredibly expensive outfits in our sweatpants.

  • Pop Secret Movie Pop Secret Movie

    I'm sorry award show acceptance speeches are more emotional than anything I've ever said to you.

    I'm sorry award show acceptance speeches are more emotional than anything I've ever said to you.

  • Pop Secret Movie Pop Secret Movie

    For Valentine's Day, let's watch a romantic comedy that reinforces our hopelessly high standards of romance.

    For Valentine's Day, let's watch a romantic comedy that reinforces our hopelessly high standards of romance.

  • Pop Secret Movie Pop Secret Movie

    Happy birthday to someone who's reached an age where it's officially creepy to watch teen vampire movies.

    Happy birthday to someone who's reached an age where it's officially creepy to watch teen vampire movies.

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