• About A Boy About A Boy

    I like you enough to say it without a hint of sarcasm.

    I like you enough to say it without a hint of sarcasm.

  • Red Bull Red Bull

    It just won't be a party without you and many of the other people on the list.

    It just won't be a party without you and many of the other people on the list.

  • Hope Springs.. Hope Springs..

    A great way to spice up our sex life would be to have sex.

    A great way to spice up our sex life would be to have sex.

  • Farewell Farewell

    A vacation is a great way to recuperate from planning a vacation.

    A vacation is a great way to recuperate from planning a vacation.

  • Coco Breve Coco Breve

    I appreciate you for your kindness, sense of humor, and ability to get creeps to leave us alone.

    I appreciate you for your kindness, sense of humor, and ability to get creeps to leave us alone.

  • Apology Apology

    Sorry I can't make it to your party, dinner, or event because I want to watch previously recorded television.

    Sorry I can't make it to your party, dinner, or event because I want to watch previously recorded television.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations to Facebook on going public with all my private information.

    Congratulations to Facebook on going public with all my private information.

  • Encouragement Encouragement

    I'll buy you a share of Facebook for every status update you don't post.

    I'll buy you a share of Facebook for every status update you don't post.

  • Seeking A Friend Seeking A Friend

    An apocalyptic disaster would be worth not having to see any more of your Facebook updates.

    An apocalyptic disaster would be worth not having to see any more of your Facebook updates.

  • Seeking A Friend Seeking A Friend

    Let's have sex like the world is ending in three weeks.

    Let's have sex like the world is ending in three weeks.

  • Seeking A Friend Seeking A Friend

    At least the end of the world would mean no pressure to have a baby.

    At least the end of the world would mean no pressure to have a baby.

  • Graduation Graduation

    Graduation is when your summers of unpaid internships finally earn you a full-time unpaid internship.

    Graduation is when your summers of unpaid internships finally earn you a full-time unpaid internship.

  • Family Family

    Congratulations to Time magazine on making motherhood look more horrifying than reading Time magazine.

    Congratulations to Time magazine on making motherhood look more horrifying than reading Time magazine.

  • Chili's Happy.. Chili's Happy..

    Cinco de Mayo is a great day for a bunch of dudes to get together for Margaritas and still feel like dudes.

    Cinco de Mayo is a great day for a bunch of dudes to get together for Margaritas and still feel like dudes.

  • Chili's Happy.. Chili's Happy..

    Let's make up for Cinco de Mayo being on a Saturday by starting our celebration on Wednesday.

    Let's make up for Cinco de Mayo being on a Saturday by starting our celebration on Wednesday.

  • Chili's Happy.. Chili's Happy..

    Let's celebrate Uno, Dos, Tres, and Cuatro de Mayo just like it's Cinco de Mayo.

    Let's celebrate Uno, Dos, Tres, and Cuatro de Mayo just like it's Cinco de Mayo.

  • Crystal Light Crystal Light

    Drinking a mocktail is a great way not to go home with someone the girls will mock you for.

    Drinking a mocktail is a great way not to go home with someone the girls will mock you for.

  • Miracle Whip Miracle Whip

    I try to keep an open mind about everything except grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

    I try to keep an open mind about everything except grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

  • Miracle Whip Miracle Whip

    A good way to know if your opinion is wrong is if it's liked a lot on Facebook.

    A good way to know if your opinion is wrong is if it's liked a lot on Facebook.

  • Miracle Whip Miracle Whip

    The best part about trying new things is getting to criticize old things.

    The best part about trying new things is getting to criticize old things.

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