• Christmas Season Christmas Season

    Good luck finding something nice to wear to Christmas at Grandma's from your closet of bar hopping slut-gear.

    Good luck finding something nice to wear to Christmas at Grandma's from your closet of bar hopping slut-gear.

  • Halloween Halloween

    Here's to Miley Cyrus for somehow making all Halloween costumes prior to 2013 look shockingly unslutty.

    Here's to Miley Cyrus for somehow making all Halloween costumes prior to 2013 look shockingly unslutty.

  • College College

    Congratulations on going to college far enough away that your promiscuous high school rep isn't widely known yet.

    Congratulations on going to college far enough away that your promiscuous high school rep isn't widely known yet.

  • Wedding Wedding

    I hope you're not upset that I've slept with half the people we're inviting to our wedding.

    I hope you're not upset that I've slept with half the people we're inviting to our wedding.

  • Breakup Breakup

    It's a shame he found out what a bitch I could be before he found out what a slut I could be.

    It's a shame he found out what a bitch I could be before he found out what a slut I could be.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Let's thank Kony 2012 for making it possible to hate someone more than we hate Rush Limbaugh.

    Let's thank Kony 2012 for making it possible to hate someone more than we hate Rush Limbaugh.

  • Breakup Breakup

    Listen, I'm not calling her a slut. I'm just simply stating that if her vagina had a password, it would be 'password'.

    Listen, I'm not calling her a slut. I'm just simply stating that if her vagina had a password, it would be "password".

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I'm confident you'll someday be the slutty mistress to someone much less grotesque than Newt Gingrich.

    I'm confident you'll someday be the slutty mistress to someone much less grotesque than Newt Gingrich.

  • Flirting Flirting

    Thanks for always being as emotionally unavailable and sexually available as me.

    Thanks for always being as emotionally unavailable and sexually available as me.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Sorry your winter birthday prevents you from dressing as slutty as you do the rest of the year.

    Sorry your winter birthday prevents you from dressing as slutty as you do the rest of the year.

  • Graduation Graduation

    May your finals be as easy as you are.

    May your finals be as easy as you are.

  • Halloween Halloween

    The only reason I wear a Halloween costume is so no one can recognize me on my early morning walk of shame.

    The only reason I wear a Halloween costume is so no one can recognize me on my early morning walk of shame.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    There's plenty you can do to help fight AIDS aside from being less of a slut.

    There's plenty you can do to help fight AIDS aside from being less of a slut.

  • Halloween Halloween

    I can't decide this Halloween whether to go as a slutty witch, a slutty nurse, a slutty schoolgirl, or just a total slut.

    I can't decide this Halloween whether to go as a slutty witch, a slutty nurse, a slutty schoolgirl, or just a total slut.

  • Wedding Wedding

    I'll always consider you a dear friend who tends to put out at lavish social functions.

    I'll always consider you a dear friend who tends to put out at lavish social functions.

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