• Easter Easter

    Celebrating 4/20 has made me hungrier than Jesus after not eating for 3 days.

    Celebrating 4/20 has made me hungrier than Jesus after not eating for 3 days.

  • Easter Easter

    This 4/20, let's smoke enough pot to find the story of Easter believable.

    This 4/20, let's smoke enough pot to find the story of Easter believable.

  • Encouragement Encouragement

    Way to finally cut down on your smoking due to arctic outdoor temperatures.

    Way to finally cut down on your smoking due to arctic outdoor temperatures.

  • Weekend Weekend

    May your weekend be as psychotically reckless as a typical weekday for the mayor of Toronto.

    May your weekend be as psychotically reckless as a typical weekday for the mayor of Toronto.

  • Workplace Workplace

    The seven minutes each cigarette takes off my life is worth the seven minutes it takes off my workday.

    The seven minutes each cigarette takes off my life is worth the seven minutes it takes off my workday.

  • PSAs PSAs

    PSA: Smoking isn't the only thing that gives you throat cancer.

    PSA: Smoking isn't the only thing that gives you throat cancer.

  • Confession Confession

    My retirement plan is to spend money on things that will significantly reduce my lifespan.

    My retirement plan is to spend money on things that will significantly reduce my lifespan.

  • Reminders Reminders

    You may not get lung cancer from smoking e-cigarettes but you may get me punching you in the cock.

    You may not get lung cancer from smoking e-cigarettes but you may get me punching you in the cock.

  • Cry for Help Cry for Help

    Quitting smoking is the best thing I've done to turn me into the worst person ever.

    Quitting smoking is the best thing I've done to turn me into the worst person ever.

  • Weekend Weekend

    Let's honor the end of Twinkies this weekend by filling ourselves with horrifying chemicals.

    Let's honor the end of Twinkies this weekend by filling ourselves with horrifying chemicals.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations on quitting smoking and not yet becoming morbidly obese.

    Congratulations on quitting smoking and not yet becoming morbidly obese.

  • Sympathy Sympathy

    Sorry you live in a state that considers gay marriage more harmful than tobacco.

    Sorry you live in a state that considers gay marriage more harmful than tobacco.

  • Earth Day Earth Day

    I plan to celebrate Earth Day by only smoking pot that was grown outdoors.

    I plan to celebrate Earth Day by only smoking pot that was grown outdoors.

  • Confession Confession

    I'd quit smoking if I didn't really enjoy saying no to people who ask for cigarettes.

    I'd quit smoking if I didn't really enjoy saying no to people who ask for cigarettes.

  • Confession Confession

    I'll quit smoking the day that my oxygen tank explodes because I was smoking.

    I'll quit smoking the day that my oxygen tank explodes because I was smoking.

  • Confession Confession

    I can only get that 'Runners' High' by smoking pot before I run, and then not actually running.

    I can only get that "Runners' High" by smoking pot before I run, and then not actually running.

  • Reminders Reminders

    It may help you quit smoking if you stay focused on judging people who still smoke.

    It may help you quit smoking if you stay focused on judging people who still smoke.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I trust government health care because Obama trusts it enough to continue smoking.

    I trust government health care because Obama trusts it enough to continue smoking.

  • Weekend Weekend

    May your Friday the 13th be filled with naive, horny, pot-smoking teenagers and not a machete-wielding mass murderer.

    May your Friday the 13th be filled with naive, horny, pot-smoking teenagers and not a machete-wielding mass murderer.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations on almost quitting smoking.

    Congratulations on almost quitting smoking.

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