• Easter Easter

    This 4/20, let's smoke enough pot to find the story of Easter believable.

    This 4/20, let's smoke enough pot to find the story of Easter believable.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    Thanks in advance for not bringing up the true story of Thanksgiving.

    Thanks in advance for not bringing up the true story of Thanksgiving.

  • Halloween Halloween

    Happy birthday to someone old and lonely enough to be the subject of a Halloween ghost story.

    Happy birthday to someone old and lonely enough to be the subject of a Halloween ghost story.

  • U.S. U.S.

    Home to almost as many Puerto Ricans as New York City!

    Home to almost as many Puerto Ricans as New York City!

  • Workplace Workplace

    I already can't wait until your story about the weekend is over.

    I already can't wait until your story about the weekend is over.

  • Sports Sports

    Here's to a news story about a professional athlete's sex life that doesn't involve infidelity or sexual assault.

    Here's to a news story about a professional athlete's sex life that doesn't involve infidelity or sexual assault.

  • Easter Easter

    The only story of bloodshed and betrayal I care about this weekend is Game of Thrones.

    The only story of bloodshed and betrayal I care about this weekend is Game of Thrones.

  • Flirting Flirting

    Love Coupon: Good for one instance of me very patiently listening to a story you've told before.

    Love Coupon: Good for one instance of me very patiently listening to a story you've told before.

  • Hanukkah Hanukkah

    Sorry the story of Hanukkah seems more made up than the story of Festivus.

    Sorry the story of Hanukkah seems more made up than the story of Festivus.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Your story about today's earthquake lasted ten times longer than today's earthquake.

    Your story about today's earthquake lasted ten times longer than today's earthquake.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    It's time to say goodbye to the man who probably would've recommended assisted suicide if he heard your life story.

    It's time to say goodbye to the man who probably would've recommended assisted suicide if he heard your life story.

  • Friendship Friendship

    I have something extremely unimportant to tell you ASAP.

    I have something extremely unimportant to tell you ASAP.

  • Movies Movies

    One thing less interesting to me than a story involving Julia Child is two stories involving Julia Child.

    One thing less interesting to me than a story involving Julia Child is two stories involving Julia Child.

  • Groundhog Day Groundhog Day

    Skimming a news story about Punxsutawney Phil is the closest I'll get to nature all year.

    Skimming a news story about Punxsutawney Phil is the closest I'll get to nature all year.

  • Thanks Thanks

    Thanks for actually having a funny story to tell me when you say you have a funny story to tell me.

    Thanks for actually having a funny story to tell me when you say you have a funny story to tell me.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I'm still confused by the story of Christmas.

    I'm still confused by the story of Christmas.

  • Friendship Friendship

    I love it when you tell a story 368 times.

    I love it when you tell a story 368 times.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Long story short, I'm right and all of you are wrong.

    Long story short, I'm right and all of you are wrong.

  • Apology Apology

    Sorry I didn't like your screenplay, novel, or short story.

    Sorry I didn't like your screenplay, novel, or short story.

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