• Workplace Workplace

    I can't believe it's already time to work through lunch.

    I can't believe it's already time to work through lunch.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I can phone it in on Monday at a Friday level.

    I can phone it in on Monday at a Friday level.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Rest assured that your recent accomplishments at work have gone largely unnoticed.

    Rest assured that your recent accomplishments at work have gone largely unnoticed.

  • Workplace Workplace

    My raise this year will be expensing the alcohol that helps me endure being underpaid.

    My raise this year will be expensing the alcohol that helps me endure being underpaid.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I'll barely miss The Walking Dead since I've already seen dozens of zombies roaming the office today.

    I'll barely miss The Walking Dead since I've already seen dozens of zombies roaming the office today.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I admire the way you show off how fun your life is by showing up to work every day looking like garbage.

    I admire the way you show off how fun your life is by showing up to work every day looking like garbage.

  • Weekend Weekend

    Sorry my body still being in the office confused you into believing my mind hadn't already left for the weekend.

    Sorry my body still being in the office confused you into believing my mind hadn't already left for the weekend.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I got a full eight hours of sleep this week.

    I got a full eight hours of sleep this week.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I like Mondays because everyone is as unproductive as I am every day of the week.

    I like Mondays because everyone is as unproductive as I am every day of the week.

  • Mardi Gras Mardi Gras

    I'd never violate our company's sexual harassment policies by repeatedly asking you to expose your breasts on Mardi Gras.

    I'd never violate our company's sexual harassment policies by repeatedly asking you to expose your breasts on Mardi Gras.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I'm more afraid of forgetting to add an email attachment than I am of dying.

    I'm more afraid of forgetting to add an email attachment than I am of dying.

  • Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

    I'm going to go ahead and assume it isn't a human resources violation to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.

    I'm going to go ahead and assume it isn't a human resources violation to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Seeing Sochi bathrooms has given me a new appreciation for the wall separating me from your horrifying workplace dumps.

    Seeing Sochi bathrooms has given me a new appreciation for the wall separating me from your horrifying workplace dumps.

  • Friendship Friendship

    I wish we worked together so we could hate the same coworkers.

    I wish we worked together so we could hate the same coworkers.

  • Weekend Weekend

    I take my work home on the weekends by doing absolutely nothing there either.

    I take my work home on the weekends by doing absolutely nothing there either.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Tom Hanks is truly an everyman in that he's finally being underappreciated for his hard work.

    Tom Hanks is truly an everyman in that he's finally being underappreciated for his hard work.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I get a full eight hours of sleep every day at my desk with my eyes open.

    I get a full eight hours of sleep every day at my desk with my eyes open.

  • Workplace Workplace

    The only reason I drink so much coffee is because I don't get enough sleep because of all the coffee I drink.

    The only reason I drink so much coffee is because I don't get enough sleep because of all the coffee I drink.

  • Workplace Workplace

    The only reason I'm opening my mouth today is to yawn.

    The only reason I'm opening my mouth today is to yawn.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Let's further exhaust each other by complaining about how tired we are.

    Let's further exhaust each other by complaining about how tired we are.

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