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    At least this weather prevents people on the street from starting conversations with me about the weather.

    At least this weather prevents people on the street from starting conversations with me about the weather.

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    Let's say goodbye to the hottest summer on record and to the people who kept reminding us it was the hottest summer on record.

    Let's say goodbye to the hottest summer on record and to the people who kept reminding us it was the hottest summer on record.

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    You have the perfect autumn body.

    You have the perfect autumn body.

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    You're my favorite person to check for ticks.

    You're my favorite person to check for ticks.

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    I can't decide if a decent tan is worth the possible melanoma.

    I can't decide if a decent tan is worth the possible melanoma

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    Let's replace our perfectly fine winter clothes.

    Let's replace our perfectly fine winter clothes

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    Colder weather gets me excited to not leave the house.

    Colder weather gets me excited to not leave the house

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    My summer vacation consists of periodically noticing the exotic beach location I use as a desktop pattern.

    My summer vacation consists of periodically noticing the exotic beach location I use as a desktop pattern.

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    Let's break up before we find out what we look like in the winter.

    Let's break up before we find out what we look like in the winter

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    This long, solitary winter has made me realize I hate being by myself almost as much as I hate being with people.

    This long, solitary winter has made me realize I hate being by myself almost as much as I hate being with people.

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    Complaining about the weather is a full-time job.

    Complaining about the weather is a full-time job.

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    I'm too overjoyed by the warm weather to mind exposing my hideously out of shape winter body.

    I'm too overjoyed by the warm weather to mind exposing my hideously out of shape winter body.

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    I can't wait to admire the stunning autumn foliage that falls onto my iPhone screen.

    I can't wait to admire the stunning autumn foliage that falls onto my iPhone screen.

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    Let's send our thoughts and prayers to Atlanta and anywhere else that can't handle three inches of snow.

    Let's send our thoughts and prayers to Atlanta and anywhere else that can't handle three inches of snow.

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    It's cold enough that I'm eagerly anticipating picking up my dog's warm feces.

    It's cold enough that I'm eagerly anticipating picking up my dog's warm feces.

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    I just want to meet a nice guy who I can break up with right after he installs my air conditioner.

    I just want to meet a nice guy who I can break up with right after he installs my air conditioner.

  •  

    This record-breaking heat makes it even harder than usual to be fat.

    This record-breaking heat makes it even harder than usual to be fat

  •  

    I'm really excited about the first day of spring back in January.

    I'm really excited about the first day of spring back in January

  •  

    Prepare yourself for a moderately competent display of manliness.

    Prepare yourself for a moderately competent display of manliness

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    Thanks for never being as clingy as this extended winter weather.

    Thanks for never being as clingy as this extended winter weather.

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