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    I hope it snows so I can create the illusion I'm home for a snow day rather than my crippling unemployment.

    I hope it snows so I can create the illusion I'm home for a snow day rather than my crippling unemployment

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    Please stop wearing speedos.

    Please stop wearing speedos

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    Here's to shivering under blankets on the sofa burning as many calories as going to the gym.

    Here's to shivering under blankets on the sofa burning as many calories as going to the gym.

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    You seem pretty scared of catching the flu for someone who's not remotely scared of catching STDs.

    You seem pretty scared of catching the flu for someone who's not remotely scared of catching STDs

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    I can't wait for fall to arrive this winter.

    I can't wait for fall to arrive this winter

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    Summer Badge: This is for remembering to wear sunglasses when shamelessly ogling women on the street.

    Summer Badge: This is for remembering to wear sunglasses when shamelessly ogling women on the street.

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    I look forward to seeing your body in summer clothes as much as I dread having to conceal my own.

    I look forward to seeing your body in summer clothes as much as I dread having to conceal my own.

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    Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass.

    Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass

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    This heat wave makes me appreciate that I only work on a virtual farm.

    This heat wave makes me appreciate that I only work on a virtual farm

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    Let's spend the weekend pulling out the winter clothes we put into storage last weekend.

    Let's spend the weekend pulling out the winter clothes we put into storage last weekend

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    Thanks for helping me through my winter depression by being far more depressed by comparison.

    Thanks for helping me through my winter depression by being far more depressed by comparison.

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    Congratulations to you and the Arctic ice cap on just barely surviving another summer.

    Congratulations to you and the Arctic ice cap on just barely surviving another summer.

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    Summer interns going back to school means I'll have to go back to ogling coworkers my own age.

    Summer interns going back to school means I'll have to go back to ogling coworkers my own age

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    Summer Badge: This is to honor you displaying only 85% of the skin on your body at work today.

    Summer Badge: This is to honor you displaying only 85% of the skin on your body at work today.

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    Let me know a good weekend for you to invite me to your ski house.

    Let me know a good weekend for you to invite me to your ski house

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    Summer Badge: This serves to recognize you having the sweat stains of a manual laborer while working your desk job.

    Summer Badge: This serves to recognize you having the sweat stains of a manual laborer while working your desk job.

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    Spring break in your 30s is an hour at work creepily staring at Facebook photos of people on spring break in their 20s.

    Spring break in your 30s is an hour at work creepily staring at Facebook photos of people on spring break in their 20s.

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    Relaxing this summer has given me a renewed vigor to do as little as possible at work this fall.

    Relaxing this summer has given me a renewed vigor to do as little as possible at work this fall.

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    Colder weather gets me excited to not leave the house.

    Colder weather gets me excited to not leave the house

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    Summer Badge: This serves to recognize your 43 minutes of actual work on a 72-degree day.

    Summer Badge: This serves to recognize your 43 minutes of actual work on a 72-degree day.

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