Sorry Hurricane Earl has been to better places than you this summer
The summer heat has made me exhausted from trying to dress as slutty as everyone else
I'm glad my urine won't be the most toxic thing in our nation's waters this weekend
The record-breaking cold weather is causing less suffering than your attempts at explaining it
You seem pretty scared of catching swine flu for someone who's not remotely scared of catching STDs
Let's determine how to safely greet each other during swine flu season
Your quiet, secluded summer house sounds like the perfect place for me to work non-stop
Prepare yourself for a moderately competent display of manliness
Let's bond this summer over a shared appreciation of barely concealed breasts
May your devastating winter blues finally give way to your debilitating spring allergies
I hope I didn't confuse you by suggesting we walk somewhere just for the enjoyment of walking
Let me know a good weekend for you to invite me to your ski house
