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I support the right of all women's organizations to abort their terrible decisions

Remember not to let your Web site crash the day after it's valued at $100 billion

At least Donald Trump didn't endorse Donald Trump

The Facebook IPO announcement proves that every one of my worthless status updates was actually valuable

Thank you for cutting off funding to cancer screening programs in order to prove that you are pro-life.

I support Newt Gingrich's idea of colonizing the moon if it'll help me get away from Newt Gingrich.

It was inspiring to hear what Obama is planning for Republicans to block

I'm confident you'll someday be the slutty mistress to someone much less grotesque than Newt Gingrich

I'm less repulsed by Newt Gingrich wanting an open marriage than by anyone wanting a marriage with Newt Gingrich

I'd be much more opposed to SOPA if I could get through an article about it

Just a reminder that Wikipedia is just as reliable today as it is when it's working

I can't wait until Wikipedia is back up so I can read about how bad it was when Wikipedia was down

All I've learned from the Wikipedia blackout is that I know nothing

I hope the Zappos hackers didn't notice my terrible taste in shoes

The mauling of Tim Tebow has clinched my decision to stick with a life of sin

At least in a Ron Paul presidency we'd be able to legally get high to deal with a Ron Paul presidency

Not caring about the Republican nominee is getting to be really exhausting.

I can't imagine having a white President again.

I'm voting for the presidential candidate who says the fewest idiotic things on the road to being completely incompetent in office

At least my job description doesn't involve repairing the economy or being the new head football coach at Penn State.

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