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    Watching the moon is nowhere near the most pathetic reason I've stayed up until 3am on a Monday.

    Watching the moon is nowhere near the most pathetic reason I've stayed up until 3am on a Monday.

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    You have a pretty strong opinion on Stephen Colbert for someone who goes to bed at 9:30pm.

    You have a pretty strong opinion on Stephen Colbert for someone who goes to bed at 9:30pm.

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    Deactivating from Facebook is the new Facebook.

    Deactivating from Facebook is the new Facebook.

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    I can't wait until we lose power from this storm so I can finally start eating my emergency junk food.

    I can't wait until we lose power from this storm so I can finally start eating my emergency junk food.

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    Wednesdays are the middle finger of the week.

    Wednesdays are the middle finger of the week.

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    Thank you for not noticing the company would be better off without me.

    Thank you for not noticing the company would be better off without me.

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    It's a great day to not give a shit about Sarah Palin.

    It's a great day to not give a shit about Sarah Palin.

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    Let's celebrate you not being pregnant by having unprotected sex.

    Let's celebrate you not being pregnant by having unprotected sex.

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    I want to kick off STD Awareness Month by making you aware that I gave you a STD.

    I want to kick off STD Awareness Month by making you aware that I gave you a STD.

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    I'm worried that today's pirates are starting to give pirates a bad name.

    I'm worried that today's pirates are starting to give pirates a bad name.

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    I couldn't help but notice President Obama's choice of dog breed is also half black.

    I couldn't help but notice President Obama's choice of dog breed is also half black.

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    I had a dream once.

    I had a dream once.

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    Sorry you can't display your political pride with a yard sign since you no longer own a house due to the foreclosure epidemic.

    Sorry you can't display your political pride with a yard sign since you no longer own a house due to the foreclosure epidemic.

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    I will complain about my privacy being invaded by the government right after I update my dating profile to attract strangers on the internet.

    I will complain about my privacy being invaded by the government right after I update my dating profile to attract strangers on the internet.

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    I'd probably have cabin fever if I wasn't already so lazy.

    I'd probably have cabin fever if I wasn't already so lazy.

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    Never before has a generation so diligently recorded themselves accomplishing so little.

    Never before has a generation so diligently recorded themselves accomplishing so little.

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    Before Movember gets into full swing I'd like to take this opportunity to sit on your face all night.

    Before Movember gets into full swing I'd like to take this opportunity to sit on your face all night.

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    Monday is like a gift from someone who knows nothing about you and doesn't bother to include the receipt.

    Monday is like a gift from someone who knows nothing about you and doesn't bother to include the receipt.

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    I'm going to rush right home and continue not listening to The Beatles.

    I'm going to rush right home and continue not listening to The Beatles.

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    Best of luck to the royal baby boy on not inheriting his father's male pattern baldness.

    Best of luck to the royal baby boy on not inheriting his father's male pattern baldness.

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