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    I hope the care you receive under health care reform helps keep you alive long enough to see the repeal of health care reform.

    I hope the care you receive under health care reform helps keep you alive long enough to see the repeal of health care reform

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    Sorry I said something so gay it could potentially make us legally married in California.

    Sorry I said something so gay it could potentially make us legally married in California

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    Hope you're feeling okay after being sexually violated by Miley Cyrus last night.

    Hope you're feeling okay after being sexually violated by Miley Cyrus last night.

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    I wish Harold Ramis was alive to write a funny dedication to Harold Ramis.

    I wish Harold Ramis was alive to write a funny dedication to Harold Ramis.

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    I'm worried that today's pirates are starting to give pirates a bad name.

    I'm worried that today's pirates are starting to give pirates a bad name.

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    Never before has a generation so diligently recorded themselves accomplishing so little.

    Never before has a generation so diligently recorded themselves accomplishing so little.

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    Sorry you can't display your political pride with a yard sign since you no longer own a house due to the foreclosure epidemic.

    Sorry you can't display your political pride with a yard sign since you no longer own a house due to the foreclosure epidemic.

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    I'm consciously unfriending you for posting about Gwyneth Paltrow's love life.

    I'm consciously unfriending you for posting about Gwyneth Paltrow's love life.

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    The only problem I've ever had with my iPhone is you calling it.

    The only problem I've ever had with my iPhone is you calling it.

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    85% of my time online is spent clicking 'forgot password' links.

    85% of my time online is spent clicking "forgot password" links.

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    I couldn't help but notice President Obama's choice of dog breed is also half black.

    I couldn't help but notice President Obama's choice of dog breed is also half black.

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    I will complain about my privacy being invaded by the government right after I update my dating profile to attract strangers on the internet.

    I will complain about my privacy being invaded by the government right after I update my dating profile to attract strangers on the internet.

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    Deactivating from Facebook is the new Facebook.

    Deactivating from Facebook is the new Facebook.

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    I had a dream once.

    I had a dream once.

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    I can't wait until we lose power from this storm so I can finally start eating my emergency junk food.

    I can't wait until we lose power from this storm so I can finally start eating my emergency junk food.

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    Wednesdays are the middle finger of the week.

    Wednesdays are the middle finger of the week.

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    Thank you for not noticing the company would be better off without me.

    Thank you for not noticing the company would be better off without me.

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    Monday is like a gift from someone who knows nothing about you and doesn't bother to include the receipt.

    Monday is like a gift from someone who knows nothing about you and doesn't bother to include the receipt.

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    Best of luck to the royal baby boy on not inheriting his father's male pattern baldness.

    Best of luck to the royal baby boy on not inheriting his father's male pattern baldness.

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    Before Movember gets into full swing I'd like to take this opportunity to sit on your face all night.

    Before Movember gets into full swing I'd like to take this opportunity to sit on your face all night.

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