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  •  

    Let's stop investigating Chris Christie before we discover he's been sending out nude photos of himself.

    Let's stop investigating Chris Christie before we discover he's been sending out nude photos of himself.

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    Congratulations to Vogue on making girls hate something other than their own bodies.

    Congratulations to Vogue on making girls hate something other than their own bodies.

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    I can't believe our economy's recovery is going about as well as Lindsay Lohan's.

    I can't believe our economy's recovery is going about as well as Lindsay Lohan's

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    Sorry you can't display your political pride with a yard sign since you no longer own a house due to the foreclosure epidemic.

    Sorry you can't display your political pride with a yard sign since you no longer own a house due to the foreclosure epidemic.

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    I'm worried that today's pirates are starting to give pirates a bad name.

    I'm worried that today's pirates are starting to give pirates a bad name.

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    I'd probably have cabin fever if I wasn't already so lazy.

    I'd probably have cabin fever if I wasn't already so lazy.

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    If Russia prepares for war like it prepares for the Olympics, none of us have anything to worry about.

    If Russia prepares for war like it prepares for the Olympics, none of us have anything to worry about.

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    85% of my time online is spent clicking 'forgot password' links.

    85% of my time online is spent clicking "forgot password" links.

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    I'd start my own Twitter war if someone else hadn't already beaten me to ten followers.

    I'd start my own Twitter war if someone else hadn't already beaten me to ten followers.

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    I'll bet you one unplanned pregnancy that you are secretly pro-choice.

    I'll bet you one unplanned pregnancy that you are secretly pro-choice.

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    Monday is like a gift from someone who knows nothing about you and doesn't bother to include the receipt.

    Monday is like a gift from someone who knows nothing about you and doesn't bother to include the receipt.

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    I had a dream once.

    I had a dream once.

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    I can't wait until we lose power from this storm so I can finally start eating my emergency junk food.

    I can't wait until we lose power from this storm so I can finally start eating my emergency junk food.

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    Thank you for not noticing the company would be better off without me.

    Thank you for not noticing the company would be better off without me.

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    With the pollen count this high drug dealers could make more money converting meth back into Sudafed.

    With the pollen count this high drug dealers could make more money converting meth back into Sudafed.

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    I will complain about my privacy being invaded by the government right after I update my dating profile to attract strangers on the internet.

    I will complain about my privacy being invaded by the government right after I update my dating profile to attract strangers on the internet.

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    I'm consciously unfriending you for posting about Gwyneth Paltrow's love life.

    I'm consciously unfriending you for posting about Gwyneth Paltrow's love life.

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    Wednesdays are the middle finger of the week.

    Wednesdays are the middle finger of the week.

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    It's pointless to make relationship-based someecards because nobody that visits this site is normal enough to be in one.

    It's pointless to make relationship-based someecards because nobody that visits this site is normal enough to be in one.

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    I want to kick off STD Awareness Month by making you aware that I gave you a STD.

    I want to kick off STD Awareness Month by making you aware that I gave you a STD.

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