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Somewhat Topical / Displaying 1- 20 of 191

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Maybe your state should have stuck with the governor caught fucking hookers with his socks on

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A good workplace safety rule is to keep employees apart if their weight differs by 11,850 pounds and the heavier one has two prior murders

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It must be challenging to stand up for the developmentally disabled when the developmentally disabled think you're retarded

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I found Tiger's apology to be extremely insincere if that turns you on at all

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Tiger Woods has taught me it's possible to allocate only 21.4 seconds of public apology time per bimbo screwed

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I hated John Mayer long before his penis hated black women

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I hope your eco-friendly status symbol doesn't smash into a tree

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With J.D. Salinger dead, you're my favorite person who never leaves the house

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It's time to honor the life of an author who openly despised all of us

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May you be prominent in the will of a Toyota owner

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Let's temporarily ignore the recession to collectively masturbate to a new gadget we can't afford because of the recession

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I can't wait for Obama's speech to not pre-empt Lost

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I can't believe things are bad enough that I'm planning to watch the State of the Union address

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It's refreshing to see a politician publicly humiliate his family for reasons unrelated to his own sex life

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I hope Martha Coakley's history-making collapse gives her a clearer understanding of Curt Schilling's relationship to the Yankees

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A year after inauguration, I wish one of the most memorable moments of the Obama administration wasn't still Aretha Franklin's hat

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It's now clear that psychotic town hall debates and creepy tea parties won't impact health care reform as much as a guy who posed nude for Cosmo

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Let's figure out a way for Wall Street to text their record-breaking bonuses to Haiti

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I find it tragic that Pat Robertson wasn't aborted

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Let's publicly discuss the Leno/Conan fiasco to make it seem like we're ever awake past 11:30 p.m.

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