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    Here's to Bill Clinton's DNA spreading on to a new generation instead of a dress.

    Here's to Bill Clinton's DNA spreading on to a new generation instead of a dress.

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    85% of my time online is spent clicking 'forgot password' links.

    85% of my time online is spent clicking "forgot password" links.

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    Before Movember gets into full swing I'd like to take this opportunity to sit on your face all night.

    Before Movember gets into full swing I'd like to take this opportunity to sit on your face all night.

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    I'm worried that today's pirates are starting to give pirates a bad name.

    I'm worried that today's pirates are starting to give pirates a bad name.

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    Never before has a generation so diligently recorded themselves accomplishing so little.

    Never before has a generation so diligently recorded themselves accomplishing so little.

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    I'd probably have cabin fever if I wasn't already so lazy.

    I'd probably have cabin fever if I wasn't already so lazy.

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    I'm consciously unfriending you for posting about Gwyneth Paltrow's love life.

    I'm consciously unfriending you for posting about Gwyneth Paltrow's love life.

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    If Russia prepares for war like it prepares for the Olympics, none of us have anything to worry about.

    If Russia prepares for war like it prepares for the Olympics, none of us have anything to worry about.

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    The only problem I've ever had with my iPhone is you calling it.

    The only problem I've ever had with my iPhone is you calling it.

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    Sorry you can't display your political pride with a yard sign since you no longer own a house due to the foreclosure epidemic.

    Sorry you can't display your political pride with a yard sign since you no longer own a house due to the foreclosure epidemic.

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    Deactivating from Facebook is the new Facebook.

    Deactivating from Facebook is the new Facebook.

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    I can't wait until we lose power from this storm so I can finally start eating my emergency junk food.

    I can't wait until we lose power from this storm so I can finally start eating my emergency junk food.

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    Best of luck to the royal baby boy on not inheriting his father's male pattern baldness.

    Best of luck to the royal baby boy on not inheriting his father's male pattern baldness.

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    Wednesdays are the middle finger of the week.

    Wednesdays are the middle finger of the week.

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    Thank you for not noticing the company would be better off without me.

    Thank you for not noticing the company would be better off without me.

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    I had a dream once.

    I had a dream once.

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    Monday is like a gift from someone who knows nothing about you and doesn't bother to include the receipt.

    Monday is like a gift from someone who knows nothing about you and doesn't bother to include the receipt.

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    It's pointless to make relationship-based someecards because nobody that visits this site is normal enough to be in one.

    It's pointless to make relationship-based someecards because nobody that visits this site is normal enough to be in one.

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    I want to kick off STD Awareness Month by making you aware that I gave you a STD.

    I want to kick off STD Awareness Month by making you aware that I gave you a STD.

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    I couldn't help but notice President Obama's choice of dog breed is also half black.

    I couldn't help but notice President Obama's choice of dog breed is also half black.

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