• refine by:
sort-by: Most Popular | Newest
  •  

    May your nipples bleed less than expected during your marathon.

    May your nipples bleed less than expected during your marathon.

  •  

    I see your CrossFit updates all the time and I think it's just great that you're keeping all those other weirdos away from my happy hour.

    I see your CrossFit updates all the time and I think it's just great that you're keeping all those other weirdos away from my happy hour.

  •  

    If you want to go running with me, you'd better be prepared to walk a lot.

    If you want to go running with me, you'd better be prepared to walk a lot.

  •  

    I don't think it's out of the question that Manny Ramirez was taking fertility drugs to try and get pregnant.

    I don't think it's out of the question that Manny Ramirez was taking fertility drugs to try and get pregnant.

  •  

    I'm currently in training to be the hottest ex-girlfriend you've ever had.

    I'm currently in training to be the hottest ex-girlfriend you've ever had.

  •  

    France's surrender on the World Cup soccer pitch reminds me of pretty much every other aspect of French history.

    France's surrender on the World Cup soccer pitch reminds me of pretty much every other aspect of French history.

  •  

    I think the Giants should see if it's possible to only play in the postseason.

    I think the Giants should see if it's possible to only play in the postseason.

  •  

    I hope running a marathon heals the psychological wounds you suffered as a fat kid.

    I hope running a marathon heals the psychological wounds you suffered as a fat kid.

  •  

    I'm interrupting my complete apathy about hockey to make fun of the fact that your team lost.

    I'm interrupting my complete apathy about hockey to make fun of the fact that your team lost.

  •  

    Everything you can do a ten-year-old asian prodigy can do better.

    Everything you can do a ten-year-old asian prodigy can do better.

  •  

    CrossFit is a great way to spend $300 a month to do calisthenics in a warehouse.

    CrossFit is a great way to spend $300 a month to do calisthenics in a warehouse.

  •  

    Sorry your NCAA pool is the only pool you're not ashamed to be seen in.

    Sorry your NCAA pool is the only pool you're not ashamed to be seen in.

  •  

    Watching the Olympics is a great way to see someone else's dreams die for a change.

    Watching the Olympics is a great way to see someone else's dreams die for a change.

  •  

    I wish Time Warner Cable would go back to not showing Knicks games.

    I wish Time Warner Cable would go back to not showing Knicks games

  •  

    Sorry your team's quarterback has been deemed too repulsive to endorse beef jerky.

    Sorry your team's quarterback has been deemed too repulsive to endorse beef jerky

  •  

    Half-heartedly watching the World Series is the least I can do for my country.

    Half-heartedly watching the World Series is the least I can do for my country

  •  

    You remind me of Michael Phelps in that you're an unemployed stoner whose best days are behind you.

    You remind me of Michael Phelps in that you're an unemployed stoner whose best days are behind you.

  •  

    Sorry I won your fantasy football league without understanding football.

    Sorry I won your fantasy football league without understanding football

  •  

    May the loss of incompetent refs not expose your team's incompetency.

    May the loss of incompetent refs not expose your team's incompetency.

  •  

    I'm confident you'll make it in L.A. as an actor after seeing your believable performance as a Kings fan.

    I'm confident you'll make it in L.A. as an actor after seeing your believable performance as a Kings fan.

DON'T MISS THIS