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Now that football season is over I can finally get back to wishing it was football season

Congratulations on your team coming in 2nd

Sorry the 2011 Patriots couldn't erase the memory of the 2011 Red Sox

You had nothing to do with your favorite sports team winning

Maybe you'll feel better knowing I won money on your team's loss

Sorry I can't empathize with the pain over your team losing

Congratulations to the Patriots on not having had a perfect season to blow

I don't need a football game to get drunk and scream at my television

Watching an hour of LeBron James is the perfect way to hate your career, salary, age, and LeBron James

I'd like a second opinion on whether Jay Cutler's injury is bad enough for me to forgive him

Congratulations to Spain on being the best in the world at a sport that doesn't involve executing bulls

Sorry your use of performance-enhancing drugs hasn't enhanced your performance

Congratulations on setting a record for the longest time sitting on your ass watching a tennis match

I love hockey except for the agonizing moments when no fight is happening

Everything you can do a ten-year-old asian prodigy can do better.

The Netherlands making it to the World Cup finals makes a case for legalized marijuana and prostitution improving my soccer skills

I can't wait to see what strategic defense the Jets use against a gigantic rapist

The only things standing between us and our Olympic dreams are that we're out-of-shape, apathetic, and incapable of passing a drug test

You're the Tiger Woods of something as equally boring as golf

I'm much more comfortable putting my money into football bets than into the stock market

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