Lets enjoy the first days of spring watching college basketball in a windowless bar
My crappy NCAA team no one's heard of is better than your crappy NCAA team no one's heard of
You have an uncanny ability to predict NCAA Tournament upsets moments after they happen
Sorry your use of performance-enhancing drugs hasn't enhanced your performance
I was inappropriately using the finger-pistol long before Gilbert Arenas
Half-heartedly watching the World Series is the least I can do for my country
Sorry I won your fantasy football league without understanding football
Let's root for American athletes to not be stripped of their medals after drug testing
I'm a die hard fan of my alma mater despite being unable to name any of its players
I can't wait to learn the name of even one baseball player in this year's World Series
I'd never have guessed Mark Sanchez would have a better first year than Obama
