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    Congratulations on your team coming in 2nd.

    Congratulations on your team coming in 2nd

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    Congratulations on setting a record for the longest time sitting on your ass watching a tennis match.

    Congratulations on setting a record for the longest time sitting on your ass watching a tennis match

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    Congratulations to Royals fans on finding something to boo other than the Royals.

    Congratulations to Royals fans on finding something to boo other than the Royals.

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    The cancellation of the NBA season may be the closest we'll get to seeing one percenters suffer.

    The cancellation of the NBA season may be the closest we'll get to seeing one percenters suffer

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    I wish Rex Ryan would just admit he's in love with Tom Brady's feet.

    I wish Rex Ryan would just admit he's in love with Tom Brady's feet

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    Let's hope the Texas Board of Education determines the Rangers winning a playoff series isn't just an unproven scientific theory.

    Let's hope the Texas Board of Education determines the Rangers winning a playoff series isn't just an unproven scientific theory

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    I miss complaining about every call made by the NFL's regular refs.

    I miss complaining about every call made by the NFL's regular refs.

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    I've been rooting for other NFL teams.

    I've been rooting for other NFL teams

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    May a career filled with concussions help prevent NFL players from remembering the replacement refs.

    May a career filled with concussions help prevent NFL players from remembering the replacement refs.

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    I bet my favorite athlete is a more discreet sexter than your favorite athlete.

    I bet my favorite athlete is a more discreet sexter than your favorite athlete

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    Opening day of baseball means only 120 more games until we need to start caring about baseball.

    Opening day of baseball means only 120 more games until we need to start caring about baseball

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    If I want to sit through a 3 1/2-hour disaster in 3D, I'll watch a Mets game.

    If I want to sit through a 3 1/2-hour disaster in 3D, I'll watch a Mets game

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    May the loss of incompetent refs not expose your team's incompetency.

    May the loss of incompetent refs not expose your team's incompetency.

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    Lance Armstrong's two-day interview is two days more than I ever watched the Tour de France.

    Lance Armstrong's two-day interview is two days more than I ever watched the Tour de France.

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    Sorry your football team is more exciting to watch on draft day than gameday.

    Sorry your football team is more exciting to watch on draft day than gameday

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    March is the only time I'm willing to place all my hopes and dreams in the hands of college students.

    March is the only time I'm willing to place all my hopes and dreams in the hands of college students

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    We can finally get back to our normal level of hating A-Rod.

    We can finally get back to our normal level of hating A-Rod

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    Most bike riders don't need to be Lance Armstrong for me to want to punch them in the face.

    Most bike riders don't need to be Lance Armstrong for me to want to punch them in the face.

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    You're the Jeremy Lin of racist Jeremy Lin jokes.

    You're the Jeremy Lin of racist Jeremy Lin jokes

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    I still sympathize with Lance Armstrong for all that time he had to spend among French people.

    I still sympathize with Lance Armstrong for all that time he had to spend among French people.

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