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    I feel bad today for the dozens of Tampa Bay Rays fans.

    I feel bad today for the dozens of Tampa Bay Rays fans

  •  

    Sorry you have to go to the movies to see your team win.

    Sorry you have to go to the movies to see your team win.

  •  

    Sorry the only positive thing to happen to your team in five years is Brad Pitt portraying your general manager.

    Sorry the only positive thing to happen to your team in five years is Brad Pitt portraying your general manager

  •  

    I'm much more comfortable putting my money into football bets than into the stock market.

    I'm much more comfortable putting my money into football bets than into the stock market

  •  

    Maybe more people would watch the NBA if basketball games were replaced by Kardashian weddings.

    Maybe more people would watch the NBA if basketball games were replaced by Kardashian weddings

  •  

    Sorry no one wants to reminisce about your fantasy football glory days.

    Sorry no one wants to reminisce about your fantasy football glory days

  •  

    If you ever suggest exercising before 7:00 a.m. again, it better be because we've been out all night.

    If you ever suggest exercising before 7:00 a.m. again, it better be because we've been out all night.

  •  

    Sorry your football team missed its best chance of finishing with as many wins as losses.

    Sorry your football team missed its best chance of finishing with as many wins as losses

  •  

    Thank God we averted the disaster of not being able to watch football while the country plummets toward financial ruin.

    Thank God we averted the disaster of not being able to watch football while the country plummets toward financial ruin

  •  

    Let's celebrate the NFL finally determining how to split its money between millionaires and billionaires.

    Let's celebrate the NFL finally determining how to split its money between millionaires and billionaires

  •  

    Let's congratulate one of today's least effective major league hitters on his 3000th hit.

    Let's congratulate one of today's least effective major league hitters on his 3000th hit

  •  

    Congratulations to the Boston Bruins on winning a title no one in America cares about.

    Congratulations to the Boston Bruins on winning a title no one in America cares about

  •  

    Congratulations to the Boston Bruins for finally discovering what pisses off Canadians.

    Congratulations to the Boston Bruins for finally discovering what pisses off Canadians

  •  

    I'm glad Shaq could finally retire from being injured.

    I'm glad Shaq could finally retire from being injured.

  •  

    Sorry the best thing that's happened to your baseball team this year is a rainout.

    Sorry the best thing that's happened to your baseball team this year is a rainout

  •  

    I hope you enjoy the one day your team doesn't have a losing record.

    I hope you enjoy the one day your team doesn't have a losing record

  •  

    I'd watch more MLB, NBA, and NHL if they had more updates on next season's NFL.

    I'd watch more MLB, NBA, and NHL if they had more updates on next season's NFL

  •  

    Opening day of baseball means only 120 more games until we need to start caring about baseball.

    Opening day of baseball means only 120 more games until we need to start caring about baseball

  •  

    The Carmelo Anthony trade makes me wish I was a Denver Nuggets fan.

    The Carmelo Anthony trade makes me wish I was a Denver Nuggets fan

  •  

    Just wondering if it's too late to bet against myself in the office pool.

    Just wondering if it's too late to bet against myself in the office pool

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