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    I'm confident you'll make it in L.A. as an actor after seeing your believable performance as a Kings fan.

    I'm confident you'll make it in L.A. as an actor after seeing your believable performance as a Kings fan.

  •  

    I hate LeBron James even more than LeBron James loves LeBron James.

    I hate LeBron James even more than LeBron James loves LeBron James.

  •  

    There's nothing like listening to your fat ass criticize professional athletes for not hustling.

    There's nothing like listening to your fat ass criticize professional athletes for not hustling.

  •  

    Here's to the Yankees and Red Sox making their historic rivalry a battle for last place.

    Here's to the Yankees and Red Sox making their historic rivalry a battle for last place.

  •  

    Sorry your favorite sports team is being congratulated for not being swept.

    Sorry your favorite sports team is being congratulated for not being swept.

  •  

    Congratulations to John Edwards and the Charlotte Bobcats on no longer being the most embarrassing things about North Carolina.

    Congratulations to John Edwards and the Charlotte Bobcats on no longer being the most embarrassing things about North Carolina.

  •  

    I'm interrupting my complete apathy about hockey to make fun of the fact that your team lost.

    I'm interrupting my complete apathy about hockey to make fun of the fact that your team lost.

  •  

    Sorry your football team is more exciting to watch on draft day than gameday.

    Sorry your football team is more exciting to watch on draft day than gameday

  •  

    Don't forget your baseball team can easily bounce back from a slow start to have an epic end-of-season meltdown.

    Don't forget your baseball team can easily bounce back from a slow start to have an epic end-of-season meltdown

  •  

    It's a sad day for those who get their political commentary from completely insane baseball managers.

    It's a sad day for those who get their political commentary from completely insane baseball managers

  •  

    I'm less surprised by Fidel Castro's continued survival than by Ozzie Guillen's continued employment.

    I'm less surprised by Fidel Castro's continued survival than by Ozzie Guillen's continued employment

  •  

    Sorry your week is starting off as miserably as your baseball team's season.

    Sorry your week is starting off as miserably as your baseball team's season

  •  

    If I want to sit through a 3 1/2-hour disaster in 3D, I'll watch a Mets game.

    If I want to sit through a 3 1/2-hour disaster in 3D, I'll watch a Mets game

  •  

    I hope your team gets Tim Tebow so there'd be someone in your city getting laid less than you.

    I hope your team gets Tim Tebow so there'd be someone in your city getting laid less than you.

  •  

    I wish Time Warner Cable would go back to not showing Knicks games.

    I wish Time Warner Cable would go back to not showing Knicks games

  •  

    Sorry a degree in Bracketology is more valuable than your liberal arts degree.

    Sorry a degree in Bracketology is more valuable than your liberal arts degree

  •  

    May your college be as good at basketball as it is bad at educating.

    May your college be as good at basketball as it is bad at educating

  •  

    Filling out an NCAA bracket for my office pool is the most work I've done since last March.

    Filling out an NCAA bracket for my office pool is the most work I've done since last March

  •  

    Congratulations to a millionaire quarterback on being able to continue making millions in a much better city.

    Congratulations to a millionaire quarterback on being able to continue making millions in a much better city.

  •  

    May A.J. Burnett be less of a disappointment to Pirates fans than the Pirates are.

    May A.J. Burnett be less of a disappointment to Pirates fans than the Pirates are.

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