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I will forever be haunted by your attempt to order a complicated drink at a packed bar on St. Patrick's Day

Remember not to ruin your St. Patrick's Day by reading or watching anything related to the history of Ireland

I wish drinking green beer on St. Patrick's Day wasn't the closest you'll come this year to eating a vegetable

Sorry our country has no better way to honor your people's heritage than with a green fast food milkshake

I'd appreciate it if you kissed me today even if it's just based on my ethnicity

My only goal for work on March 18th is to not be wearing the same outfit I went out in on March 17th.

St. Patrick's Day is the Gilbert Gottfried's tweets of holidays

Let's celebrate a proud Irish tradition by drinking shameful American beers

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the co-worker who is most likely to cover your shift while you sleep off your hangover from St. Patrick's Day.

We decided it would be best to confiscate anything that allows you to tweet or take photos this St. Patricks Day

My alcoholism supersedes my Judaism on St. Patrick's Day

Show your patriotism this St. Patrick's Day by helping overwhelm emergency rooms enough to force the passage of health care reform

I'm excited for the one day of the year when green's meaning shifts from saving the environment to polluting our major organs

Thanks for being the designated person to risk a DUI.

May your uncontrolled revelling on St. Patrick's Day have no permanent consequences.

It's unfortunate that your inevitable attempt at an Irish jig this St. Patrick's Day will likely bring our friendship to an end

Happy St. Patrick's Day to an Irish relative who came here with a dream of equality and now wants to move back because we elected a black president

It saddens me to think this may be the first St. Patrick's Day I won't be urinating in public with you

This St. Patrick's Day, let's discuss whether we'd rather sleep with Colin Farrell, Gabriel Byrne, or Bono before making out with someone who looks like Shane MacGowan

Until I met you, I didn't know Jews could drink like Irishmen

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