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    I will forever be haunted by your attempt to order a complicated drink at a packed bar on St. Patrick's Day.

    I will forever be haunted by your attempt to order a complicated drink at a packed bar on St. Patrick's Day

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    Remember not to ruin your St. Patrick's Day by reading or watching anything related to the history of Ireland.

    Remember not to ruin your St. Patrick's Day by reading or watching anything related to the history of Ireland

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    I wish drinking green beer on St. Patrick's Day wasn't the closest you'll come this year to eating a vegetable.

    I wish drinking green beer on St. Patrick's Day wasn't the closest you'll come this year to eating a vegetable

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    Sorry our country has no better way to honor your people's heritage than with a green fast food milkshake.

    Sorry our country has no better way to honor your people's heritage than with a green fast food milkshake

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    I'd appreciate it if you kissed me today even if it's just based on my ethnicity.

    I'd appreciate it if you kissed me today even if it's just based on my ethnicity

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    My only goal for work on March 18th is to not be wearing the same outfit I went out in on March 17th.

    My only goal for work on March 18th is to not be wearing the same outfit I went out in on March 17th.

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    St. Patrick's Day is the Gilbert Gottfried's tweets of holidays.

    St. Patrick's Day is the Gilbert Gottfried's tweets of holidays

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    Let's celebrate a proud Irish tradition by drinking shameful American beers.

    Let's celebrate a proud Irish tradition by drinking shameful American beers

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    Happy St. Patrick's Day from the co-worker who is most likely to cover your shift while you sleep off your hangover from St. Patrick's Day.

    Happy St. Patrick's Day from the co-worker who is most likely to cover your shift while you sleep off your hangover from St. Patrick's Day.

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    We decided it would be best to confiscate anything that allows you to tweet or take photos this St. Patricks Day.

    We decided it would be best to confiscate anything that allows you to tweet or take photos this St. Patricks Day

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    My alcoholism supersedes my Judaism on St. Patrick's Day.

    My alcoholism supersedes my Judaism on St. Patrick's Day

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    Show your patriotism this St. Patrick's Day by helping overwhelm emergency rooms enough to force the passage of health care reform.

    Show your patriotism this St. Patrick's Day by helping overwhelm emergency rooms enough to force the passage of health care reform

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    I'm excited for the one day of the year when green's meaning shifts from saving the environment to polluting our major organs.

    I'm excited for the one day of the year when green's meaning shifts from saving the environment to polluting our major organs

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    Thanks for being the designated person to risk a DUI.

    Thanks for being the designated person to risk a DUI.

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    May your uncontrolled revelling on St. Patrick's Day have no permanent consequences.

    May your uncontrolled revelling on St. Patrick's Day have no permanent consequences.

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    It's unfortunate that your inevitable attempt at an Irish jig this St. Patrick's Day will likely bring our friendship to an end.

    It's unfortunate that your inevitable attempt at an Irish jig this St. Patrick's Day will likely bring our friendship to an end

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    Happy St. Patrick's Day to an Irish relative who came here with a dream of equality and now wants to move back because we elected a black president.

    Happy St. Patrick's Day to an Irish relative who came here with a dream of equality and now wants to move back because we elected a black president

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    It saddens me to think this may be the first St. Patrick's Day I won't be urinating in public with you.

    It saddens me to think this may be the first St. Patrick's Day I won't be urinating in public with you

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    This St. Patrick's Day, let's discuss whether we'd rather sleep with Colin Farrell, Gabriel Byrne, or Bono before making out with someone who looks like Shane MacGowan.

    This St. Patrick's Day, let's discuss whether we'd rather sleep with Colin Farrell, Gabriel Byrne, or Bono before making out with someone who looks like Shane MacGowan

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    Until I met you, I didn't know Jews could drink like Irishmen.

    Until I met you, I didn't know Jews could drink like Irishmen

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