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At least it won't undermine a global charity when you're arrested for drunkenly masturbating in public this St. Patrick's Day.

May Siri be able to decipher your slurred requests for bar locations this St. Patrick's Day

Let's rise to the challenge of still being too hungover for work two days after St. Patrick's Day

Let's drink this St. Patrick's Day like we just publicly resigned from Goldman Sachs

Here's to Hollywood not bothering to make an unwatchable star-studded romantic comedy called St. Patrick's Day

There are no winners when corned beef and cabbage farts are involved.

I'm pretty sure Saint Patrick would be utterly horrified by Saint Patrick's Day.

May your appalling St. Patrick's Day behavior not end up in a massive viral video demanding you be brought to justice

All I ask is that you wait until after St. Patrick's Day if you happen to be planning my intervention

I can't wait to partially celebrate your birthday this St. Patrick's Day

I will forever be haunted by your attempt to order a complicated drink at a packed bar on St. Patrick's Day

Remember not to ruin your St. Patrick's Day by reading or watching anything related to the history of Ireland

I wish drinking green beer on St. Patrick's Day wasn't the closest you'll come this year to eating a vegetable

Sorry our country has no better way to honor your people's heritage than with a green fast food milkshake

I'd appreciate it if you kissed me today even if it's just based on my ethnicity

My only goal for work on March 18th is to not be wearing the same outfit I went out in on March 17th.

Let's celebrate a proud Irish tradition by drinking shameful American beers

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the co-worker who is most likely to cover your shift while you sleep off your hangover from St. Patrick's Day.

We decided it would be best to confiscate anything that allows you to tweet or take photos this St. Patricks Day

My alcoholism supersedes my Judaism on St. Patrick's Day

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