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    I'd be much more into your Super Bowl party if it didn't involve watching the Super Bowl.

    I'd be much more into your Super Bowl party if it didn't involve watching the Super Bowl

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    Congratulations to Indianapolis on having one meaningful football game with a Manning this season.

    Congratulations to Indianapolis on having one meaningful football game with a Manning this season

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    The only way I'll conceivably care about this year's Super Bowl is if I place a dangerously large wager.

    The only way I'll conceivably care about this year's Super Bowl is if I place a dangerously large wager

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    Let's barely watch the Super Bowl together.

    Let's barely watch the Super Bowl together

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    Super Bowl parties are a great opportunity to enjoy a wholesome event with friends and perhaps meet a man who prefers sex with women.

    Super Bowl parties are a great opportunity to enjoy a wholesome event with friends and perhaps meet a man who prefers sex with women

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    You're invited to watch the Super Bowl with me on your television.

    You're invited to watch the Super Bowl with me on your television

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    I hope the player who makes the winning catch in this year's Super Bowl doesn't unintentionally shoot himself in the thigh next season.

    I hope the player who makes the winning catch in this year's Super Bowl doesn't unintentionally shoot himself in the thigh next season

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    I'm so glad the Super Bowl's almost here because I'm almost out of Ben Roethlisberger jokes.

    I'm so glad the Super Bowl's almost here because I'm almost out of Ben Roethlisberger jokes

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    Please attend a thinly-veiled ploy to show off my TV.

    Please attend a thinly-veiled ploy to show off my TV

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    Your team not making it to the Super Bowl is the perfect way to stay focused on binge drinking during the Super Bowl.

    Your team not making it to the Super Bowl is the perfect way to stay focused on binge drinking during the Super Bowl

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    You're invited to watch the Super Bowl at my place so I'm not the one who has to schlep home drunk on a Sunday night in February.

    You're invited to watch the Super Bowl at my place so I'm not the one who has to schlep home drunk on a Sunday night in February

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    Here's to the New York football team that didn't guarantee a trip to the Super Bowl making it to the Super Bowl.

    Here's to the New York football team that didn't guarantee a trip to the Super Bowl making it to the Super Bowl

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    My Super Bowl party is the closest I'll ever come to cooking you a meal.

    My Super Bowl party is the closest I'll ever come to cooking you a meal

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    Let's get together to watch the Super Bowl if you're not too busy keeping a Jets fan on suicide watch.

    Let's get together to watch the Super Bowl if you're not too busy keeping a Jets fan on suicide watch

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    Your inability to talk about football has people talking.

    Your inability to talk about football has people talking

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    Congratulations on your team coming in 2nd.

    Congratulations on your team coming in 2nd

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    You had nothing to do with your favorite sports team winning.

    You had nothing to do with your favorite sports team winning

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    I'm rooting for an aging rock band to play a halftime medley of hits.

    I'm rooting for an aging rock band to play a halftime medley of hits

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    Please tutor me in sports so I don't seem gay.

    Please tutor me in sports so I don't seem gay

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    I hope this monumental recession doesn't stop companies from blowing millions to air the most dumbed-down commercials the human brain can withstand.

    I hope this monumental recession doesn't stop companies from blowing millions to air the most dumbed-down commercials the human brain can withstand

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