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    Congratulations to M.I.A. on being the last person under 50 ever allowed to perform at the Super Bowl again.

    Congratulations to M.I.A. on being the last person under 50 ever allowed to perform at the Super Bowl again

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    I'd be much more into your Super Bowl party if it didn't involve watching the Super Bowl.

    I'd be much more into your Super Bowl party if it didn't involve watching the Super Bowl

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    Let's get together to watch the Super Bowl if you're not too busy keeping a Jets fan on suicide watch.

    Let's get together to watch the Super Bowl if you're not too busy keeping a Jets fan on suicide watch

  •  

    Sorry your Superbowl party had Pro Bowl-like attendance.

    Sorry your Superbowl party had Pro Bowl-like attendance.

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    I'd love to watch the Super Bowl on your 60-inch plasma HDTV if I wasn't so terrified of seeing Madonna on it.

    I'd love to watch the Super Bowl on your 60-inch plasma HDTV if I wasn't so terrified of seeing Madonna on it.

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    You're invited to watch the Super Bowl with me on your television.

    You're invited to watch the Super Bowl with me on your television

  •  

    Let's prepare for a monumental Super Bowl battle between grating regional accents.

    Let's prepare for a monumental Super Bowl battle between grating regional accents

  •  

    Here's to the New York football team that didn't guarantee a trip to the Super Bowl making it to the Super Bowl.

    Here's to the New York football team that didn't guarantee a trip to the Super Bowl making it to the Super Bowl

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    Let's get ready for a Super Bowl rematch between two of the most excruciatingly obnoxious fan bases in sports.

    Let's get ready for a Super Bowl rematch between two of the most excruciatingly obnoxious fan bases in sports

  •  

    Congratulations to Indianapolis on having one meaningful football game with a Manning this season.

    Congratulations to Indianapolis on having one meaningful football game with a Manning this season

  •  

    May your football team have the honor of being featured in between Super Bowl commercials.

    May your football team have the honor of being featured in between Super Bowl commercials

  •  

    Let's not wait until the Super Bowl to start ingesting the unhealthiest crap imaginable.

    Let's not wait until the Super Bowl to start ingesting the unhealthiest crap imaginable

  •  

    I'd rather be locked in a bar's bathroom with Ben Roethlisberger than watch that halftime show again.

    I'd rather be locked in a bar's bathroom with Ben Roethlisberger than watch that halftime show again.

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    Let's watch the world's most testosterone-laden sporting event followed by its most testosterone-draining TV show.

    Let's watch the world's most testosterone-laden sporting event followed by its most testosterone-draining TV show

  •  

    I'm so glad the Super Bowl's almost here because I'm almost out of Ben Roethlisberger jokes.

    I'm so glad the Super Bowl's almost here because I'm almost out of Ben Roethlisberger jokes

  •  

    I appreciate the Super Bowl for uniting all Americans in our inability to read Roman numerals.

    I appreciate the Super Bowl for uniting all Americans in our inability to read Roman numerals

  •  

    The only Super Bowl bet I'm making is that you'll lose money betting on the Super Bowl.

    The only Super Bowl bet I'm making is that you'll lose money betting on the Super Bowl

  •  

    Your team not making it to the Super Bowl is the perfect way to stay focused on binge drinking during the Super Bowl.

    Your team not making it to the Super Bowl is the perfect way to stay focused on binge drinking during the Super Bowl

  •  

    Let's pretend to be sports fans whilst stuffing our faces like Oprah fans.

    Let's pretend to be sports fans whilst stuffing our faces like Oprah fans.

  •  

    Your invitation to my Super Bowl party should serve as a reminder of the money you still owe me from last year's Super Bowl party.

    Your invitation to my Super Bowl party should serve as a reminder of the money you still owe me from last year's Super Bowl party.

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