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May. 15th, 2012

I want you to know that whatever problems you're having, I'm here to read about it on Facebook.
- Sends: 175
- Views: 48,638
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
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May. 11th, 2012

Sorry Hustler is the only magazine where your mom would be featured getting her boobs sucked.
- Sends: 40
- Views: 21,352
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
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May. 9th, 2012

Sorry you live in a state that considers gay marriage more harmful than tobacco.
- Sends: 925
- Views: 87,592
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
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Apr. 23rd, 2012

Sorry there's no Instagram filter to make you look less drunk in photos.
- Sends: 693
- Views: 94,565
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
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Apr. 18th, 2012

I feel sorry for myself having to hear about how sorry you feel for yourself.
- Sends: 185
- Views: 54,481
- Favorited: --
- Comments 0
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Apr. 18th, 2012

Dick Clark still looks better than you.
- Sends: 44
- Views: 37,554
- Favorited: --
- Comments 0
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Apr. 12th, 2012

Sorry you think Pinterest is just a bunch of women posting and laughing at naked pictures of you.
- Sends: 21
- Views: 37,728
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
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Apr. 11th, 2012

Sorry you're faced with six months of coming up with funny tweets about Mitt Romney.
- Sends: 14
- Views: 27,259
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
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Mar. 30th, 2012

Sorry you're too old to play your age as a Mega Millions number.
- Sends: 45
- Views: 16,615
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
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Mar. 27th, 2012

Sorry the Angry Birds have traveled to outer space while you're still inside playing Angry Birds.
- Sends: 120
- Views: 12,718
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
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Mar. 22nd, 2012

Sorry Tim Tebow will just be another good-looking rich guy in New York City who won't have sex with you.
- Sends: 130
- Views: 12,771
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
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Mar. 19th, 2012

Sorry that conservative legislators think about your birth control more than the guys you sleep with do.
- Sends: 204
- Views: 13,192
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
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Mar. 9th, 2012

Sorry your video of farting kittens didn't go as viral as one about a murderous African warlord.
- Sends: 232
- Views: 7,638
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
- Add to Favorites

Jan. 25th, 2012

Sorry you'll never make as much as Mitt Romney pays in taxes.
- Sends: 377
- Views: 6,206
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
- Add to Favorites

Jan. 9th, 2012

Sorry you have such a weird name and no celebrity parents to blame it on.
- Sends: 185
- Views: 7,568
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
- Add to Favorites

Nov. 23rd, 2011

Sorry there's no Black Friday deal for the hospital visit you'll need after Black Friday.
- Sends: 112
- Views: 10,728
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
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Nov. 16th, 2011

I could care less than the guy who shamelessly leaves a crowded mens room without washing his hands.
- Sends: 52
- Views: 9,689
- Favorited: --
- Comments 0
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Nov. 16th, 2011

Sorry a magazine you never read gave a fake award to the wrong handsome movie star.
- Sends: 62
- Views: 5,687
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
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Nov. 3rd, 2011

I'm sorry I'm forcing you to participate in No Shave Novembeard in order to fulfill my own sexual fantasies.
- Sends: 347
- Views: 8,560
- Favorited: --
- Comments 0
- Add to Favorites

Nov. 3rd, 2011

Sorry that telling me about your great new iPhone drained its entire battery.
- Sends: 409
- Views: 6,802
- Favorited: 0
- Comments 0
- Add to Favorites

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