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    Sounds like you had a rough day.

    Sounds like you had a rough day

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    Heard she hasn't e-mailed you back. You have my deepest sympathies.

    Heard she hasn't e-mailed you back. You have my deepest sympathies

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    Let me know if you want to have a serious talk peppered with humorous movie quotes.

    Let me know if you want to have a serious talk peppered with humorous movie quotes

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    Sorry you were hospitalized from trying to sign up for Obamacare.

    Sorry you were hospitalized from trying to sign up for Obamacare.

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    Sorry the most exciting thing to happen in your sex life this fall is the new prostitutes in Grand Theft Auto V.

    Sorry the most exciting thing to happen in your sex life this fall is the new prostitutes in Grand Theft Auto V.

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    Sorry signing up for Obamacare is more complicated than dying.

    Sorry signing up for Obamacare is more complicated than dying.

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    Sorry you can't blame steroids for your genitalia's size and dysfunction.

    Sorry you can't blame steroids for your genitalia's size and dysfunction

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    Sorry the joy of finding your soul mate will forever be tarnished by the fact that you met online.

    Sorry the joy of finding your soul mate will forever be tarnished by the fact that you met online

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    Sorry your car is a piece of shit.

    Sorry your car is a piece of shit

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    Our sincere condolences to the next woman Michael Douglas gives Catherine Zeta-Jones' HPV to.

    Our sincere condolences to the next woman Michael Douglas gives Catherine Zeta-Jones' HPV to.

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    Feel better so I can guiltlessly make fun of you again.

    Feel better so I can guiltlessly make fun of you again

  •  

    Sorry a complete stranger is privy to your yeast infection.

    Sorry a complete stranger is privy to your yeast infection

  •  

    Sorry your kid sucks at sports.

    Sorry your kid sucks at sports

  •  

    Sorry you're too old to play your age as a Mega Millions number.

    Sorry you're too old to play your age as a Mega Millions number

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    Sorry you're faced with the unspeakable trauma of having to choose between an Android and an iPhone.

    Sorry you're faced with the unspeakable trauma of having to choose between an Android and an iPhone

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    Sorry no one cares that the creator of your electronic device is still alive.

    Sorry no one cares that the creator of your electronic device is still alive

  •  

    Sorry Bin Laden died in a mansion and you still have roommates.

    Sorry Bin Laden died in a mansion and you still have roommates

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    Sorry the guy you spent so much time pretending to like lost the election.

    Sorry the guy you spent so much time pretending to like lost the election.

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    Our deepest sympathies to Aaron Hernandez's fellow prison inmates on not getting someone as pretty as Tom Brady.

    Our deepest sympathies to Aaron Hernandez's fellow prison inmates on not getting someone as pretty as Tom Brady.

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    I'm more than happy to help if I get something out of it.

    I'm more than happy to help if I get something out of it

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