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I'm always available to discuss your problems via text

Sorry even your gay friends will now be getting married before you

Sorry your calls keep getting dropped before you can finish raving about your new iPhone

Sorry you're a sex addict who can't get laid

Sorry health care reform probably means you'll live longer

I can't believe you'd sleep with someone like me without making me wear a condom

Sorry you're faced with the unspeakable trauma of having to choose between a BlackBerry and an iPhone

Sorry your car isn't quite shitty enough for you to benefit from the Cash for Clunkers plan

Sorry your MBA is now worth as much as my MFA

Sorry your family likes me better than you

Sorry the joy of finding your soul mate will forever be tarnished by the fact that you met online

Sorry that guy who didn't want to have sex with you didn't turn out to be gay

Sorry those year-old bottles of Newman's Own are now a painful reminder of more than just the fact that your fat ass never eats salad

Sorry you immigrated to America during the decline of our empire

Sorry your decision to quietly change your relationship status was broadcast to every single one of your Facebook friends

Sorry a complete stranger is privy to your yeast infection

I just realized we're too old to be the young guys cougars would consider for filthy intergenerational sex

Sorry you had to disguise your masturbation injury as sports-related

Sorry your compelling company name is impossible to spell, pronounce, or remember

Sorry your car is a piece of shit

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Someecards.com is possibly to probably the best site on the Web for free, funny ecards. We have greeting cards for every occasion - from important to utterly pointless. Send greetings for apology, birthday, baby, breakup, congratulations, encouragement, farewell, flirting, friendship, get well, sympathy, thanks, thinking of you, wedding, workplace, and holidays like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We suggest you e-mail them to friends, family, coworkers, loved ones, liked ones, and anyone else with fingers.